We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since
diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5
weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding
diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've
made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No
accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance,
something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a
tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to
use or not use a technology / etc.).
I find it hard to do anything great or good with my diabetes, I struggle a lot, I live in a lot of fear of lows and highs and complications. I don't ever feel like I actually accomplish anything diabetes-wise in my life. This topic made me sit back and think what was important and what have I done for myself lately.
I couldn't think of one thing, every time I begin to write my blood sugars down consistently, I eventually give up. I have a hard time being consistent with my diabetes and wish more than anything I was motivated to do so.
I did however think of one big step for me that I took a little less than nine years ago. I gave myself my first shot. Probably in my arm as that was my favorite spot before I started a pump. I had only had diabetes a few days but new it was necessary. The nurse were so impressed that they gave me a pack of Uno cards which me and my parents thoroughly enjoyed during my short three day stay. I forget the drama that I could have died if my mom hadn't thought of taking me to the doctor, or how much drama it was to adjust to out knew life style but we did and today I can't believe how far I have come from that tiny little girl to me, now.
People always told me I was tough for taking those needles and now that I look back I can see how they thought it. I know this disease can't hold me back and I think that mind set is a pretty BIG accomplishment for any diabetic.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Diabetes Blog Week - Memories
Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.
I have shared with you guys my story of breakage on my "about" page and that is a really bad experience, I live in constant fear of that happening again. I have a lot of diabetes memories, I remember getting my first pump in the mail, I remember the injector for my pump sites that would break the needle under my skin, I remember my diagnosis, my first Endo appointment I remember giving myself my first shot, I remember my seizure, I remember DKA both times. I remember lows that my meter couldn't read, and high enough to make me vomit. I remember starting this blog and I will always remember the joy it brings me and getting to participate in the DOC.
I was not crying but that is not what my sister says and I'm guessing that since she was the one with full brain function she is right.
Amanda! Amanda! I did this every time I was low in the middle of the night and needed some juice or tablets. She would roll out of bed and grouchy as possible go and get me some juice which I happily guzzled and then we both went back to sleep and all was good. But she says I didn't call out her name, that I was crying.
She came over to my bed and I told her I was low and then it happened, " Sarah quit it yours scaring me."
" I'm low I need juice."
" Sarah I am serious I will go and get mom if you don't quit it."
"What are you talking about."
In case you haven't figured it out I was talking gibberish and there was no understandable words coming out of my mouth. Amanda ran upstairs to get my mom who I heard rushing down stairs.
" Sarah whats wrong?" said my mom really concerned
" Santa, Homework, ice cream." Even though in the five minute I had been up My dialect changed from non word to actual words but I still couldn't form words I had in my head and spoke like this. My mom told me she was going to check my blood sugar, a pretty 90 read on my meter, but we decided to go to the emergency room anyways. My mom dressed me and then herself and while my mom was in the bathroom I saw my pink ballet/ yoga pants laying on the table and tried to put them on, over my shoes and jeans. My mom came in and started to cry.
Me my mom and sister road to the hospital nearest to our home in hopes to get an ambulance from there to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. When we got there they rushed us back and the ER doctor started asking question. Sarah can you tell me what day it is? July 19 1967 Sarah can you tell me her name as he pointed to Amanda. I opened my mouth but literally could not say my sisters name. When is your moms birthday, I knew it was April 11 but I could not say April, all I knew to say was that it was before mine. How many days till Christmas? I just shook my head I didn't know that Christmas was in a few days. They did and MRI scan and the nurses that I remember being really nice and talkative helped me walk from the wheel chair to the table and I promptly threw up.
As they loaded me into the ambulance I remember it being cold and the door was open. the poor guy was trying to put in an IV in my arm and it HURT! Oh and the tape the put on it like that thing was going to be trying to push itself out of my arm. And then I fell asleep wake up occasionally to see bits and pieces but I don't really remember a whole lot till we got to the hospital.
I got a new IV and was given plenty of medication and a recommendation to a neurologist. By the time we got to the hospital my speach was all the way back and the IV only brought me great pain.
We still don't know for sure if it was a low induced seizure or a granny seizure as they called it. But I do know it was scary and those moment where I was completely helpless and I remember thinking one way and apparently I did the complete opposite. I have never had one again and hope to not to.
Our memories are the things we always carry with us and shape our lives. When it is a memory with our diabetes we take something from that to help better our care. They are always an advantage even though they might scare the crap out of you at the time.
I have shared with you guys my story of breakage on my "about" page and that is a really bad experience, I live in constant fear of that happening again. I have a lot of diabetes memories, I remember getting my first pump in the mail, I remember the injector for my pump sites that would break the needle under my skin, I remember my diagnosis, my first Endo appointment I remember giving myself my first shot, I remember my seizure, I remember DKA both times. I remember lows that my meter couldn't read, and high enough to make me vomit. I remember starting this blog and I will always remember the joy it brings me and getting to participate in the DOC.
I was not crying but that is not what my sister says and I'm guessing that since she was the one with full brain function she is right.
Amanda! Amanda! I did this every time I was low in the middle of the night and needed some juice or tablets. She would roll out of bed and grouchy as possible go and get me some juice which I happily guzzled and then we both went back to sleep and all was good. But she says I didn't call out her name, that I was crying.
She came over to my bed and I told her I was low and then it happened, " Sarah quit it yours scaring me."
" I'm low I need juice."
" Sarah I am serious I will go and get mom if you don't quit it."
"What are you talking about."
In case you haven't figured it out I was talking gibberish and there was no understandable words coming out of my mouth. Amanda ran upstairs to get my mom who I heard rushing down stairs.
" Sarah whats wrong?" said my mom really concerned
" Santa, Homework, ice cream." Even though in the five minute I had been up My dialect changed from non word to actual words but I still couldn't form words I had in my head and spoke like this. My mom told me she was going to check my blood sugar, a pretty 90 read on my meter, but we decided to go to the emergency room anyways. My mom dressed me and then herself and while my mom was in the bathroom I saw my pink ballet/ yoga pants laying on the table and tried to put them on, over my shoes and jeans. My mom came in and started to cry.
Me my mom and sister road to the hospital nearest to our home in hopes to get an ambulance from there to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. When we got there they rushed us back and the ER doctor started asking question. Sarah can you tell me what day it is? July 19 1967 Sarah can you tell me her name as he pointed to Amanda. I opened my mouth but literally could not say my sisters name. When is your moms birthday, I knew it was April 11 but I could not say April, all I knew to say was that it was before mine. How many days till Christmas? I just shook my head I didn't know that Christmas was in a few days. They did and MRI scan and the nurses that I remember being really nice and talkative helped me walk from the wheel chair to the table and I promptly threw up.
As they loaded me into the ambulance I remember it being cold and the door was open. the poor guy was trying to put in an IV in my arm and it HURT! Oh and the tape the put on it like that thing was going to be trying to push itself out of my arm. And then I fell asleep wake up occasionally to see bits and pieces but I don't really remember a whole lot till we got to the hospital.
I got a new IV and was given plenty of medication and a recommendation to a neurologist. By the time we got to the hospital my speach was all the way back and the IV only brought me great pain.
We still don't know for sure if it was a low induced seizure or a granny seizure as they called it. But I do know it was scary and those moment where I was completely helpless and I remember thinking one way and apparently I did the complete opposite. I have never had one again and hope to not to.
Our memories are the things we always carry with us and shape our lives. When it is a memory with our diabetes we take something from that to help better our care. They are always an advantage even though they might scare the crap out of you at the time.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Daibetes Blog Week- Share and Don't Share Day 1
Guess what??? I am participating in Diabetes Blog week this year and I am super excited to let you peek into my blog and help me raise awareness. Here is the link to the whole list here.
Topic: Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?
Topic: Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?
6 am First check of the day. 41. Shaky, dizzy, light headed,
raspberry glucose tablets.
7am Shower, don’t forget to hook up pump, then breakfast,
check blood sugar, 201. Bolus, correct.
8am Check again 101 its safe to drive
9am Check again two hours after breakfast blood sugar 399
hmmmm
11am Lunch: check blood sugar 169 WHAT! I really aim for a
120 before blood sugar
12 pm do insulin bolus for lunch, ouch that burns
2 am Did I do insulin?
3 pm am I hungry or am I low? Check 57 yep over corrected
for that slight high
4 pm Check again before you drive 124 we’re okay
5pm snack: deli meat today no carbs for me
7pm Dinner check 306 I think meat now has carbs avoid
scolding from mother dad and dog.
9pm Night time shot and insulin 588 HOLY CRAP I forgot about
dinner insulin now I’m sick and I have ketones, guzzle a bottle of water go to
bed
12 am wake up I need to pee
2am wake up I need to pee and I am soooo thirsty
3 am wake up go pee now is time to check blood sugar 290 wow
I should have checked my ketones I need new insulin
4 am change out insulin in pump lay down and try to sleep a
little more.
6 am Check blood sugar 37. Why do I always fail?
To those who see the outside this is just a glimpse into
living with my diabetes. It is a very consuming thing I try really hard at and even
though my efforts sometimes fail I have to do it again the next day. I will get
no breaks and I have fully accepted all the responsibility that comes with it
it just sometimes it wears you out .
Living with diabetes is a battle but one I will win. Insulin
is not a cure and it will never go away. I did not get it from eating to much
sugar or KFC I can eat what ever I want just with moderation and with the
insulin to balance it out. No special diet or pill can cure me and I can have
children. This is Type 1 diabetes.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Diabetes and a Diet- Day 1
"I am not going for skinny I am going for fit."
This is what I promised myself when I decided to go on a diet, not to totally deprive myself and aim for a super thin self, but a healthy self something I have struggled with all through high school and here I am at the end doing something for my self at last. Diets get a lot of stigma and even I hate to hear about women who go on diets when they don't need to. I am much like many modern women today in that I want the trim, defined and toned body and get my cake and pizza too. How wonderful it would be to eat what I want, not exercise, and take a magic pill which magically helps the weight fall off, without any effort. As a society I think people have become so lazy that they aren't willing to do the hard stuff to get what we want, we want quick, easy, and no sweat or tears. I myself had fallen into that trap as well but new that I needed to change my habits in order to get the fit body I really wanted. (stepping down from soap box)
I am determined to get in good enough shape to be able to easily do a 7 mile hike around a popular lake near my hometown, kayak for couple hours straight, and do a color run in October. Those are a few goals I have but mostly I don't want any flub when I buy that bikini to wear this summer.
I do have a goal weight for myself which will include me losing 21 lbs. I feel like that is such a big goal to reach for but I will go for losing 2-4 lb a week. So if I am consistent with these numbers I should be around my goal weight in five to six weeks.
Determined I am, to get to a confident body and fit back into those skinny jeans and that sweet navy dress, both of which are teensy bit too tight. I also have grabbed my sister, mother, and best friend along for the ride.
Do you as a diabetic struggle with weight loss or have any tips for being successful I want to hear them.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Happy Birthday To ME!
Today I am eighteen. Wow, looking back I can see so may things I would change and things I wouldn't change for the world.
I look back a my highs and lows (not referring to BG's) wondering if my diabetes did have anything to do with it and the truth is 80% of the time it was. Coming up in July I will also be celebrating my 9th diaversary... I don't know what to say about that, that I have had diabetes for half of my life and it honestly hasn't been that long, that I know more about this disease than anything, that is has managed to fill every neuron in my brain and it is never going to change. In another nine years on my twenty seventh birthday how different things will be, what will have changed, will there be bionic pancreases around with the little need of carb counting, figuring, worrying; it makes you think. But really, nine years really isn't that long from the time of diagnosis to now it seems so short I still feel like that lanky skinny girl sitting in the waiting room of my doctors office minutes away from a life changing statement:
" Your daughter has type 1 diabetes "
To that person that spent three days in the hospital learning to give shots and receive them, to count my carbs and every time I stare at a piece of pecan pie, the small boxes filled with sugar to represent the amount inside certain foods returns to my mind, to learn how to check my blood sugar, how to check my ketones, and never eat more than 15 carbs at snack and 60 per meal.It was hard, I remember not truly comprehending that this would be my forever, the forever of my life.
Here I am one year from ten years with this disease and still no cure, ( you know because every diabetic has heard it) don't get me wrong they are close like super close I estimate twenty years or so close maybe less if we're lucky but it could still be forever for me.
A complication can strike at any moment and then I won't have that ten more years that they've been promising it'll be be more like; sorry that sucks for you it doesn't matter if there is a cure tomorrow you body is a train wreck inside and no matter how many legs we take off, kidney's we transplant your out of the draw. Going to the doctor every three months, checking your blood sugar four plus times a day, injection after injection, tear after tear its OVER! I'm exausted.
As a diabetic I frequently sit and think how differently my life would be without diabetes what it's like to not have this HUGE burden. I understand and do not expect other to understand why a cure is so important. I didn't inflict this on my self, I have it a whether or not I want to or if I choose it ther eis no other option but to do by best. I hate being dramatic, in in fact it drives me crazy when people do but when I say "with out insulin I will die" I am drop dead serious. I hate to think of anyone carrying around the burden of being in charge of your own survival or someone else. That one wrong choice like cupcake and no insulin again will kill me, I could end up in an ICU unit for days, people don't know that. People I know that think they understand, they don't know what it is like to be rushed to a hospital because your in DKA or how hard it is to sit next to someone and hold them while they over come a bad low or have to go through it alone. But still it ain't all bad.Right....
Never getting another bag of Halloween candy, and anything than what other people got in there treat bags at parties, missing out on sleep overs and going so low I forget what happened at my own birthday parties or that I had eaten, and waking up unable to talk and going to the ER for DKA two times.
It hasn't scarred me and I'm sure in the next nine years so much more will change I will experience new thing become a whole new person and diabetes is just part of that. It didn't mess me up not having all that sugar anyways.
I am not angry at diabetes it did not take away my childhood nor destroy any hope of a happy future I have. I live in denial that I will ever get a complication and know someday I will have at least one healthy little human, its possible and I know I could not be the person I am today without diabetes, I think it has made me a better person, yup I said it diabetes made me awesome! Now I plan to enjoy cheesecake tonight with my family and hanging out with friends all week to celebrate my adulthood. yay!
I look back a my highs and lows (not referring to BG's) wondering if my diabetes did have anything to do with it and the truth is 80% of the time it was. Coming up in July I will also be celebrating my 9th diaversary... I don't know what to say about that, that I have had diabetes for half of my life and it honestly hasn't been that long, that I know more about this disease than anything, that is has managed to fill every neuron in my brain and it is never going to change. In another nine years on my twenty seventh birthday how different things will be, what will have changed, will there be bionic pancreases around with the little need of carb counting, figuring, worrying; it makes you think. But really, nine years really isn't that long from the time of diagnosis to now it seems so short I still feel like that lanky skinny girl sitting in the waiting room of my doctors office minutes away from a life changing statement:
" Your daughter has type 1 diabetes "
To that person that spent three days in the hospital learning to give shots and receive them, to count my carbs and every time I stare at a piece of pecan pie, the small boxes filled with sugar to represent the amount inside certain foods returns to my mind, to learn how to check my blood sugar, how to check my ketones, and never eat more than 15 carbs at snack and 60 per meal.It was hard, I remember not truly comprehending that this would be my forever, the forever of my life.
Here I am one year from ten years with this disease and still no cure, ( you know because every diabetic has heard it) don't get me wrong they are close like super close I estimate twenty years or so close maybe less if we're lucky but it could still be forever for me.
A complication can strike at any moment and then I won't have that ten more years that they've been promising it'll be be more like; sorry that sucks for you it doesn't matter if there is a cure tomorrow you body is a train wreck inside and no matter how many legs we take off, kidney's we transplant your out of the draw. Going to the doctor every three months, checking your blood sugar four plus times a day, injection after injection, tear after tear its OVER! I'm exausted.
As a diabetic I frequently sit and think how differently my life would be without diabetes what it's like to not have this HUGE burden. I understand and do not expect other to understand why a cure is so important. I didn't inflict this on my self, I have it a whether or not I want to or if I choose it ther eis no other option but to do by best. I hate being dramatic, in in fact it drives me crazy when people do but when I say "with out insulin I will die" I am drop dead serious. I hate to think of anyone carrying around the burden of being in charge of your own survival or someone else. That one wrong choice like cupcake and no insulin again will kill me, I could end up in an ICU unit for days, people don't know that. People I know that think they understand, they don't know what it is like to be rushed to a hospital because your in DKA or how hard it is to sit next to someone and hold them while they over come a bad low or have to go through it alone. But still it ain't all bad.Right....
Never getting another bag of Halloween candy, and anything than what other people got in there treat bags at parties, missing out on sleep overs and going so low I forget what happened at my own birthday parties or that I had eaten, and waking up unable to talk and going to the ER for DKA two times.
It hasn't scarred me and I'm sure in the next nine years so much more will change I will experience new thing become a whole new person and diabetes is just part of that. It didn't mess me up not having all that sugar anyways.
I am not angry at diabetes it did not take away my childhood nor destroy any hope of a happy future I have. I live in denial that I will ever get a complication and know someday I will have at least one healthy little human, its possible and I know I could not be the person I am today without diabetes, I think it has made me a better person, yup I said it diabetes made me awesome! Now I plan to enjoy cheesecake tonight with my family and hanging out with friends all week to celebrate my adulthood. yay!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Video post, follow me...
I have a You Tube account and I did my first video ever and I am really psyched about it. I know I look a little scary and I did not smile all that much. In fact at the point where I inserted my site I said "How do I take it out!" haha . You can't hear me on the video but for that second it totally left my mind. Enjoy........
I hope you liked it. If anybody has anymore ideas of videos that I could do, that could be beneficial to anyone especially those with diabetes. Me and mom are working on an interesting and funny one. I would really like some input and don't forget to like it, or comment or heck I don't really care I'm just super excited about it.
I hope you liked it. If anybody has anymore ideas of videos that I could do, that could be beneficial to anyone especially those with diabetes. Me and mom are working on an interesting and funny one. I would really like some input and don't forget to like it, or comment or heck I don't really care I'm just super excited about it.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Robot Parts
Lately I have hooked myself back up to my Animas insulin pump just for my quick acting meal/ correction insulin. I still take my levemir twice a day with a pen but the pump really makes it easier to give my insulin without shots. I really hate taking shots so I'll frequently avoid them or I'll cry whine a lot when I do. It's hard for me and I really think people who choose to do shots over a pump are awesome and a lot tougher than me.
Anyways, I carefully use the pump and my blood sugars are awesome. I love it! I am doing this without doctors supervision so I don't recommend it but for me, right now, it works. The week after my graduation I will be having 2 doctors appointments and I am eager to get the ball rolling on my CGM and insulin pump.
Like I said back in February I have made the decision to go on the Omnipod and I have stuck by that but from time to time I wonder if I should go with Animas again or Minimed or the T-slim, or what if my insurance won't cover any of the ones I want (mainly Omnipod) or it won't cover a CGM(continuous glucose monitor). I know that if I can get a Minimed pump I can eliminate the extra CGM part which comes with the pump, but I am in love with Dexcom and its awesomeness. I love the slimness, colored screen, and the fact that I can get one in pink. I really want to have these two devices before I start college in August. Highschool has been really tough with MDI and I'm tired of them, I'm ready for a pump!
Summer is looking busy too, I think I might be working two jobs, working on my Doula certification and getting ready for college. You know what you will get to follow me and my diabetic adventures through college. I would also at some point in the future get a site up for teens coping with diabetes, mostly because I mostly did myself harm and no good, I frequently went to the internet to find someone or something to help me cope because I had no idea what I was doing or anyone to help me emotionally. I think things are looking up right now I can't wait to see how the future works out.
Anyways, I carefully use the pump and my blood sugars are awesome. I love it! I am doing this without doctors supervision so I don't recommend it but for me, right now, it works. The week after my graduation I will be having 2 doctors appointments and I am eager to get the ball rolling on my CGM and insulin pump.
Like I said back in February I have made the decision to go on the Omnipod and I have stuck by that but from time to time I wonder if I should go with Animas again or Minimed or the T-slim, or what if my insurance won't cover any of the ones I want (mainly Omnipod) or it won't cover a CGM(continuous glucose monitor). I know that if I can get a Minimed pump I can eliminate the extra CGM part which comes with the pump, but I am in love with Dexcom and its awesomeness. I love the slimness, colored screen, and the fact that I can get one in pink. I really want to have these two devices before I start college in August. Highschool has been really tough with MDI and I'm tired of them, I'm ready for a pump!
Summer is looking busy too, I think I might be working two jobs, working on my Doula certification and getting ready for college. You know what you will get to follow me and my diabetic adventures through college. I would also at some point in the future get a site up for teens coping with diabetes, mostly because I mostly did myself harm and no good, I frequently went to the internet to find someone or something to help me cope because I had no idea what I was doing or anyone to help me emotionally. I think things are looking up right now I can't wait to see how the future works out.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Don't lecture me!
My mother and I spend a good bit of our time together talking. Talking about school, choices, college, friends, other people (That's bad I know) and most of all, diabetes. The other day as she was cooking dinner I sat at the island and we discussed moments that change you as a person. I asked her about a certain childhood experience, if that was what made her different from her family. She said yes and we talked about moments that come up and change you forever. You never know when but they'll come and you will be better for it. I keep wondering about the people who will momentarily come into my life and change me forever.
Two Christmases ago I was in the hospital with an A1c of 13.6 and I was pre-DKA and I felt like I was dying. I had gone so long without my lantus my bodily literally began eating my muscles and storing all the excessive sugars in my organs . I don't doubt that if my mom hadn't thought to look up the symptoms that I had I probably would have died. It wasn't a 24 hour virus, My body was sick and dying. I remember the abdominal pain being so bad I cried to my mom that I couldn't take it and I needed to die. After spending all day in C.H.O.A. emergency room one endocrinologist from my doctors office that I had never met came to check me out of the hospital and gave me the lecture of my life. It is one thing for you to hear it from your mother over and over, or your friends and family, but a doctor you don't even know it's different and sticks with you.
This doctor did not sugar coat the issue, she told me that if diabetes made me angry, to do something to change it , become a scientist and cure it if I have to. She said a lot to me and now here I am two years later much healthier and you can tell. If you look at pictures of me then and now you can tell. I LOOKED sick. The thing many people say about diabetics is they don't look sick, I did and I felt awful as well as had bad depression.
Diabetes is a huge monster in our lives and we fight it , every day, with no brakes or vacations. We are bullet proof ,we are stronger than people realize, because we can fight this disease.
Here is an exert from a MyGlu blog, I think was one of those moments that change you, empower you, and give you a little strength (at least for me it did);
For example, have you ever felt like you’re the one telling your doctor about a new way of potentially tackling diabetes? “I think I might need to adjust this correction factor,” or “I heard about this new device called a CGM and I’d like to try it.” I am a firm believer that we are our own doctors. Usually when we’re given a prescription most people will know how much they have to take and at what time of day. Ha. Funny, because I certainly don’t have the letters MD after my name, yet I have decided how much insulin to give myself millions of times. There is no “take this twice daily” labeled on our insulin vials. This is why we are so powerful.
Make sure you read every day of her experience, it really gets you excited. I can't imagine having that kind of control without the mind games. Thank you Anna for sharing this experience with us, what I would do to be able to try out the bionic pancreas. :)
Two Christmases ago I was in the hospital with an A1c of 13.6 and I was pre-DKA and I felt like I was dying. I had gone so long without my lantus my bodily literally began eating my muscles and storing all the excessive sugars in my organs . I don't doubt that if my mom hadn't thought to look up the symptoms that I had I probably would have died. It wasn't a 24 hour virus, My body was sick and dying. I remember the abdominal pain being so bad I cried to my mom that I couldn't take it and I needed to die. After spending all day in C.H.O.A. emergency room one endocrinologist from my doctors office that I had never met came to check me out of the hospital and gave me the lecture of my life. It is one thing for you to hear it from your mother over and over, or your friends and family, but a doctor you don't even know it's different and sticks with you.
This doctor did not sugar coat the issue, she told me that if diabetes made me angry, to do something to change it , become a scientist and cure it if I have to. She said a lot to me and now here I am two years later much healthier and you can tell. If you look at pictures of me then and now you can tell. I LOOKED sick. The thing many people say about diabetics is they don't look sick, I did and I felt awful as well as had bad depression.
Diabetes is a huge monster in our lives and we fight it , every day, with no brakes or vacations. We are bullet proof ,we are stronger than people realize, because we can fight this disease.
Here is an exert from a MyGlu blog, I think was one of those moments that change you, empower you, and give you a little strength (at least for me it did);
For example, have you ever felt like you’re the one telling your doctor about a new way of potentially tackling diabetes? “I think I might need to adjust this correction factor,” or “I heard about this new device called a CGM and I’d like to try it.” I am a firm believer that we are our own doctors. Usually when we’re given a prescription most people will know how much they have to take and at what time of day. Ha. Funny, because I certainly don’t have the letters MD after my name, yet I have decided how much insulin to give myself millions of times. There is no “take this twice daily” labeled on our insulin vials. This is why we are so powerful.
Make sure you read every day of her experience, it really gets you excited. I can't imagine having that kind of control without the mind games. Thank you Anna for sharing this experience with us, what I would do to be able to try out the bionic pancreas. :)
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Poetry... w/o sugar
I love the no sugar added poetry book. I like seeing the words that are inside everyone with this disease out on paper. When a person has only a few words to express themselves you can really see how it feels I have never really been a huge fan of poetry until this years when I had to dive into it for a class. I love it and enjoy reading it and finding the underlying meaning. I mostly doodle around with my poetry and I keep it solely to myself, but I have never written about my disease and this one isn't too ridiculous.
80-150
Control, and thought,
Don’t forget to count
your carbs.
These numbers expose
my imperfections,
My tries and fails,
Burnt out and hardest
tries,
I cope,
at least
tried
Tomorrow
I can try again,
But yesterday’s
impact will not be forgotten.
They say
I hear
I act
They scold
I’ll try for the
future that maybe I can have
Things so simple I
want so bad
Family,
Dreams,
A Cure,
These numbers so key
and crucial
I measure my worth in
blood.
I wear a blue circle
so someday I won’t.
While writing I thought of the one thing that is important to my diabetes care and the top thing that came to mind was my range. Since July of 2004 and every single day since this is the one thing that is still the same, 80 - 150. I have had different ratios, different meters, pumps, insulin, doctors, diets, and attitudes. My diabetes treatment is constantly changing but my good range has always been 80-150. In fact I start feeling my lows around 80 and my highs around 250. I know when I have to change doctors in a few years they are going to want to tighten this up to the ADA standards ( 70-140) but I know I will always look at those numbers in between as good. (I usually correct for anything over 170.)
I have this feeling that as I step into the world of careers and college and more responsibilities my diabetes will define me less and less and I will be able to have it be part of me instead of like most of my teen years being all of me.
I look at diabetes differently now , Its different and controllable. I make more of the decisions on my own, like which pump I want, and deciding to look into finding a new doctor. Diabetes is less defining now, and I am under no allusion that it will always seem that way, or that I will always feel like I run this circus act, but still, for now, I am good.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
New study about Insulin needs and fat content
I found this study on diabetes daily and found it very interesting and true. Most of us know that if we eat a high fat meal we need more insulin than usual and the our blood sugars are high after eating that yummy slice of pizza with sausage, mushrooms, and artichokes (OMG!) Here is the study saying that high fat content decrease your insulin sensitivity. Here
I am really a high fat eating person which is causing some liver problem right now but this also made me think is how we dose our insulin going to change as the news of this goes around, is there going to be a new variable in calculating out insulin dose. Will we no longer just be counting carbs and putting that into out pumps? I am under no allusion that the diabetes treatment we have right now is perfect but it seemed to work fine (except after that pizza and spaghetti). Is the treatment of diabetes going to change as we know it all because doctors are beginning to understand the science behind it all? Only time can tell. How do you readers feel about this and what are your thoughts about this study? Do you feel like me and have always notice a change in insulin needs after high fat meals?
I am really a high fat eating person which is causing some liver problem right now but this also made me think is how we dose our insulin going to change as the news of this goes around, is there going to be a new variable in calculating out insulin dose. Will we no longer just be counting carbs and putting that into out pumps? I am under no allusion that the diabetes treatment we have right now is perfect but it seemed to work fine (except after that pizza and spaghetti). Is the treatment of diabetes going to change as we know it all because doctors are beginning to understand the science behind it all? Only time can tell. How do you readers feel about this and what are your thoughts about this study? Do you feel like me and have always notice a change in insulin needs after high fat meals?
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Driving... Low!
Driving with diabetes is a BIG deal. In Georgia it counts as a DUI if you wreck you car due to low blood sugar, WHAT!!!! Yeah and I won't argue about it, it is my responsibility to make sure my blood sugar is in range and no one else can worry about it. It would be my fault if I wrecked my car or even worse hurt someone else.
Anywho today was probably one of the first experiences I have had with low blood sugar and diabetes:
At about 2 o'clock I checked my sugar feeling the symptoms of low blood sugar, mostly lightheaded and fog brain and hungry, blood sugar reading was 100 perfect and dropping. Of course it nearing the end of my school day I had zip food and no quick glucose to give me a safely net till I got home at 3:45. No food. I hate being without food maybe it is effects of living half my life with diabetes or maybe I am just a foodie. So since I was okay i decided to just wait till I got to my car and quick stick it up. Lo and behold no quik stiks and one little juice box which only seems to keep my blood sugar at the same low level for hours.
Anywho today was probably one of the first experiences I have had with low blood sugar and diabetes:
At about 2 o'clock I checked my sugar feeling the symptoms of low blood sugar, mostly lightheaded and fog brain and hungry, blood sugar reading was 100 perfect and dropping. Of course it nearing the end of my school day I had zip food and no quick glucose to give me a safely net till I got home at 3:45. No food. I hate being without food maybe it is effects of living half my life with diabetes or maybe I am just a foodie. So since I was okay i decided to just wait till I got to my car and quick stick it up. Lo and behold no quik stiks and one little juice box which only seems to keep my blood sugar at the same low level for hours.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Biohub Rocks!
Go ahead watch it... Aren't you impressed they figured it out now here come the hardest part, waiting. More Hope for us again.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Contemplation...
I am currently contemplating my diet. I do not eat a super unhealthy diet I usually have a salad several times a week and sometimes as a meal, I indulge occasionally on oreos, ice cream, sour worms and french fries, and chocolate. I rarely eat red meat maybe a few times a month but I eat tons of chicken. I like it fried, I like it covered in breading and I love it fattening. I also love to do juicing with vegetables, eating fresh, organic, and sometimes tasteless crap to make myself feel good. I teeter totter on my diet sometimes it is all crap and sometimes it ain't. I am driven to feel better but so much of how I feel is based on how well I take care of myself with this diabetes crap.
I have how ever been thinking that the paleo diet seems to be a very good lifestyle and might be trying my hand at it but I am having trouble making a final decision on it.
Should I dip my toes in or jump for it? I am looking for any info on it especially in the diabetes area of it, such as how it affects your blood sugars, insulin sensitivity, insulin intake, and do you know any yummy recipes since I love to cook.
I am also currently recovering from gallbladder surgery, I had surgery on the 6th of march and boy recovery has done a number on the BG'S but I am not worried it is incredibly stressful on my body.
So any advice about the paleo diet ?
I have how ever been thinking that the paleo diet seems to be a very good lifestyle and might be trying my hand at it but I am having trouble making a final decision on it.
Should I dip my toes in or jump for it? I am looking for any info on it especially in the diabetes area of it, such as how it affects your blood sugars, insulin sensitivity, insulin intake, and do you know any yummy recipes since I love to cook.
I am also currently recovering from gallbladder surgery, I had surgery on the 6th of march and boy recovery has done a number on the BG'S but I am not worried it is incredibly stressful on my body.
So any advice about the paleo diet ?
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
ABout that cure...
I am okay. I am Okay with the fact that I might never see a cure. When it comes around I will be very happy, ecstatic, overjoyed, I might even pass out, but you know what I have come to terms that I very well might be doing this for the rest of my life.
Its hard to imagine that, that for the rest of my life I will be counting every carb, adding up every unit of insulin, be hospitalized a few times, be exercise conscience everyday. I willl be doing it everyday for the rest of my life.
Its hard to imagine that, that for the rest of my life I will be counting every carb, adding up every unit of insulin, be hospitalized a few times, be exercise conscience everyday. I willl be doing it everyday for the rest of my life.
WOW
Thats a lot and I could add more to that list...
For the rest of my life checking ketones, pricking my fingers over and over till they're raw, think of low carb low fat foods to eat, wondering if I need to lose weight for insulin sensitivity, worrying if I am sensitive enough, am I starting to resist my insulin, should I check now or wait till I really feel low, buying low treaters, never enjoying a regular soda, Always being prepared, prescriptions glucogons, syringes, newest insulin...
I am exhausted of always worring about the people who worry about me. I don't want them to worry but how can they not, they think of my future in ways it makes me cry to think about, I need them.
So yes I want a cure and it is the greatest thing ever but I think I'll be fine without it till it comes. And let me tell you why. Diabetes is trying, consuming, and sometimes defeating, I struggle with its terms of agreement everyday of my life, fighting, I don't want to give in and I won't, not till that cure comes in. I am okay without a cure but I desperately need one, because this body might not last forever.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
6 Healthy Snacks...
Healthy snacks are something I struggle with, I would rather eat oreos over apple slices any day of the week but lets face it, we can't always say no (okay maybe you can but not me). This week has been cray cray busy and I really haven't had time to grab an afternoon snack everyday to tide me over til 7 or 8. I have been making a mental list of foods that are yummy and semi-healthy. I have found some things that I love, things that require a small amount of work and some that require a ripping of a package. I think this list is great, it isn't carb free or always even low carb but trust me they are a nice variation to cheese sticks and peanut butter.
York Patties-
I love these, in fact I have chosen this candy over other for the simple reason of less fat. It is not fat free (gross) but low fat which while I'm trying to lose the winter pudge is a great choice.
Pita with provolone-
This is a very yummy snack. It honestly reminds me of cheese sticks that come with pizza. First toast the pita with two provolone slices on top let the cheese get bubbly and brown and pull out of the oven or toaster oven and slice into eight triangles, dip in pizza sauce.
Carrots and Salsa-
One of my super healthy friends taught me this trick. Slice a few carrots into disc slices and dip in salsa of your choice. It is a really yummy low calorie, low carb, low fat snack that is also great for company and travels well.
Rice cakes and peanut butter-
Oh my this snack reminds me of Camp Kudzu. Take a rice cake smear some creamy peanut butter on it or eat them separately and you have a yummy protein packed snack with low carbs. This is a good Saturday night movie snack too I sometimes treat myself to a few chocolates too and by a few I mean two not the whole bag. this snack keeps me from plummeting in the night or spiking, I love it.
Wraps-
Oh yum-o I love a wrap sandwich. I take either a spinach wrap or wheat and spread some cream cheese on it and top with deli meat and cheese. This baby has got protein and veggies if you choose the spinach wrap. these average about 30 carbs each
Frozen Yogurt
I found these snack size frozen yogurts at the store the other day in the ice cream aisle and they are so creamy and rich and every diabetics dream per-measured so no cheating. I got the blueberry but there was also chocolate and strawberry. I think they were like fifteen to twenty carbs a serving .
York Patties-
I love these, in fact I have chosen this candy over other for the simple reason of less fat. It is not fat free (gross) but low fat which while I'm trying to lose the winter pudge is a great choice.
Pita with provolone-
This is a very yummy snack. It honestly reminds me of cheese sticks that come with pizza. First toast the pita with two provolone slices on top let the cheese get bubbly and brown and pull out of the oven or toaster oven and slice into eight triangles, dip in pizza sauce.
Carrots and Salsa-
One of my super healthy friends taught me this trick. Slice a few carrots into disc slices and dip in salsa of your choice. It is a really yummy low calorie, low carb, low fat snack that is also great for company and travels well.
Rice cakes and peanut butter-
Oh my this snack reminds me of Camp Kudzu. Take a rice cake smear some creamy peanut butter on it or eat them separately and you have a yummy protein packed snack with low carbs. This is a good Saturday night movie snack too I sometimes treat myself to a few chocolates too and by a few I mean two not the whole bag. this snack keeps me from plummeting in the night or spiking, I love it.
Wraps-
Oh yum-o I love a wrap sandwich. I take either a spinach wrap or wheat and spread some cream cheese on it and top with deli meat and cheese. This baby has got protein and veggies if you choose the spinach wrap. these average about 30 carbs each
Frozen Yogurt
I found these snack size frozen yogurts at the store the other day in the ice cream aisle and they are so creamy and rich and every diabetics dream per-measured so no cheating. I got the blueberry but there was also chocolate and strawberry. I think they were like fifteen to twenty carbs a serving .
Friday, February 22, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Appereances
I am use to people asking about my diabetes. It is hard to hide and even exhausting to keep up with and not tell any one. I have no shame about my diabetes and I will answer all your questions. I often do think about what people see and perceive looking into my diabetes world. Does me giving myself shot sort of discretely look like drugs or do the juice boxes and applesauce squeeze packs make me look like I have a toddler near by. Does my large and over packed purse make me look like I live out of it, or do I look like a ridiculous nerd counting carbs and corrections in my head and sometimes jotting down factors onto paper make me look cray cray.
I am am not worried about what people think about my diabetes, most of the time. I make decisions all the time. Do I sit out of this lab because of a thirty blood sugar or should I go sleep this 360 out in the nurses office and skip my math quiz. Should I bolus half now and half later for this pizza or give it all now or all later or should I go for the salad, but that salad has cheese and breaded chicken on it with eggs and fattening dressing I should go for pizza, tomorrow I will definitely bring my lunch its easier to count. Oh and don't get me started on exercise; should I wait till its over 120 or should I start now and eat a banana which means Ill also need to work of the banana which means this is perfectly useless to workout, besides where do I put my checker stuff, tabs, and ID, plus my Ipod. Someone please tell me! But please ask me so I can re-assure myself I know what I'm doing.
It is so hard to give myself shots in front of my friends, and check my blood sugar, and to stick to being known as " the diabetic" . That is what is very hard sticking out but having to deal with because there is no way around it. I can not change this. Very soon I am moving out and will be dealing with this alone, all the prescriptions, the doctors, the people and near death blood sugar experiences.
I won't lie, its exciting.
I am am not worried about what people think about my diabetes, most of the time. I make decisions all the time. Do I sit out of this lab because of a thirty blood sugar or should I go sleep this 360 out in the nurses office and skip my math quiz. Should I bolus half now and half later for this pizza or give it all now or all later or should I go for the salad, but that salad has cheese and breaded chicken on it with eggs and fattening dressing I should go for pizza, tomorrow I will definitely bring my lunch its easier to count. Oh and don't get me started on exercise; should I wait till its over 120 or should I start now and eat a banana which means Ill also need to work of the banana which means this is perfectly useless to workout, besides where do I put my checker stuff, tabs, and ID, plus my Ipod. Someone please tell me! But please ask me so I can re-assure myself I know what I'm doing.
It is so hard to give myself shots in front of my friends, and check my blood sugar, and to stick to being known as " the diabetic" . That is what is very hard sticking out but having to deal with because there is no way around it. I can not change this. Very soon I am moving out and will be dealing with this alone, all the prescriptions, the doctors, the people and near death blood sugar experiences.
I won't lie, its exciting.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Decision Made!!!
Anywho, I have been trying to decide on a pump for a long time. I couldn't decide which would be best. I have had a Cozmo and a Ping and now I am going for a ... wait for it... a Omni Pod! Yes my final decision will be a OmniPod insulin pump. I am so thrilled, but the final detail that helped me make my decision was the sample I received in the mail today. It was so small and little and petite. the moment I saw it I knew I would get an omnipod.
I am talking small, I have tried the older version demo's and didn't like it because it seemed to large and bulky but this one is seriously tiny.
I dream of Omnipod's and Dexcoms which by the way I can start also the process of getting when my insurance switches over in March (yay!!!!) Here I come, completely ready to become bionic woman.
Monday, February 4, 2013
I Have Writers Block
Oh writer block, what should I do. Late lacking of inspiration and a good idea I have been absolutely clueless as to what to write. What do you readers like to read about. I have been thinking about adding some recipes but mine probably won't be that diabetic friendly. Pavlova sounds good, bratwaurst on a potato bun, homade parmeasean french fries... I could definately step out of the box with some undiabetic friendly meals. Or I could go down and add some hobbies to teh blog or even do some guest blogging, this blog needs some freshening up, don't you think?
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