Sunday, December 30, 2012

To the Type Awesome's Out There...

To those D- mama's & D-dad's out there who wonder....

I am seventeen, I go to school, I try to make good grades, I have a drivers licenses and I have diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was nine years old and I remember it like yesterday but I don't really think you can forget something like that.
        When I was diagnosed with diabetes I 'm sure my mom thought she would be forever bind to me and my care, she would never be ale to go on date nights with my dad again or buy oreo's or that I would ever be able to exercise strenuously (not that I do anyways). When we first started out I definitely couldn't see myself here. I didn't know that I would be semi normal in fact I knew no one and I was convinced I was the only one in the world with diabetes.
        Now it mostly feels like diabetes and me, mom is still here but she never gives me shot or has to check my blood sugar for me . I make the changes and ask questions at the appointments I do the research and we no longer talk non-stop about a cure. People still tell me about there grandpa who lost this leg and aunt who died from really bad diabetes I shake my head and tell them how sorry I am for them but my kind is different.
      I guess I will always need to tell people I am different but I am ready to step out of this comfortable place I call home and begin something I have talked about since  my pre-diabetes days and now here I am a senior in high school ready to go into the world with a pump, CGM  and a BAD A. attitude and fulfill some dreams. I am no longer alone in this fight for diabetes I have found company in this fight and others much like me.
      It might seem dark and far away right now and your fears might crowd the future you want for your child but diabetes really hasn't held me back and I don't plan on ever letting it.
    By the way the only reason my mom still doesn't buy oreo's is because I can't keep from eating them, they are sooooo good.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Ohhh hi there... diabetes

I have been thinking back for a while back to the beginning of diabetes back to the start of all this chaos. This was before I knew about much of anything because I was nine...

I sat in the car on our way home and it hit a low. I don't remember the number just the low. I broke down in tears, my brother called me a baby and we didn't have anything to treat it with,
"Mom I want to go home, I want to go home... I don't know how my mom reacted to this but in my heart I can almost see her crying a little, with her young children in the car and one begging to go home so she could have some juice.
" We are home honey, look we are home."
" No! my real home, heaven."
I don't know what came over me why I said it but I grew up in a home where Heaven is a place of peace and no diseases. How heart wrenching to say. My mom picked me up and carried me in the house and pour orange juice down my throat, I came up, felt better, went on being a kid, but I am sure my mom thought about what I said a little extra. I asked my mother about that one low and she said she didn't remember. I am glad she doesn't remember her nine year old preferring heaven over life, I'm glad I have a lot of things and I still cry on cue when my blood sugar gets below 60. I have grown up and I can't even remember life before diabetes this is normal, this is okay. for me anyways I wouldn't  wish this on no one.

Monday, December 10, 2012

This silly Game... Diabetes

       I love Zumba. I recently decided to do Zumba from time to time with a friend for a few things one it is really fun to do with other people and two I need to exercise, BAD! I have been reading a lot about how exercise will increase your insulin sensitivity and boy do I need that. I have been on a 1:5 ratio for over a year now and believe me that is a ton of insulin. I average about 15 units of Apidra per meal most often more (I like white carbs). Plus I am terribly out of shape and I need to exercise,the stress of school and diabetes can really pull you down or even the stress of life.
       Today me and my friend Heather decided this morning that after school we would boogie it out with Zumba. She came home with me today to do Zumba and we did. Of course being the good little diabetic I am, decided to actually check before I worked out but I was a little low for exercise (95). So I at one sheet of graham crackers and worked it for thirty minutes after words I checked again and low and behold I sat nicely at 92. WHOOP-WHOOP I was not a diabetic for about thirty minutes of my life and I loved it for once I could feel the same as everyone else did. I was bubbling with energy and sass for the others in the household and I new for once  had done it, I won. This disease absorbs so much of me, my time, my energy, and just plain me. I felt great and it has been a long time since I won at diabetes so take that. Diabetes and me have been at this for a long time and I won't even say the classic Me: 1 Diabetes: 0 line because that simply isn't the case diabetes and me is more like Me :1 Diabetes: 10,000 But I did it once and I will do it again besides this game ain't over till I say so:
     " Hey  'Betes I see you there I ain't hidin' but I keep tryin', if you think you'll win you are sorely mistaken I ain't goin down, not me, not now."

not sure where I got this it is not mine :)


Friday, December 7, 2012

My No D-Day blog post

In this post I am choosing NOT to talk about diabetes but instead let you know a little more about me without diabetes up front.

Me at midnight having a not so good moment with the cookies. This was just a prank photo I really ate those with wondrous manners. hehehe.
  • I love cooking especially french food
  • I sing like a crazy person when I'm alone and dance too. When I am in public I just do it in my head.
  • I love to shop, I know typical girl right; yeah I'm one of those.
  • I like alone time, sometimes Oliver(my cat)joins me
  • my favorite place in the whole world is Ireland. It is as beautiful as they say, I've been there twice.
  • I am a total animal person but I don't mind cutting up fetal pigs at school.
  • I love to write
  • I hope to someday be in the medical field (those choices are coming up quick )
  • I am a die hard cowgirl :) yep I was raised in the south.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

What it takes to be a diabetic... Learning to think

      You know, I know that this is all confusing, hard, annoying, and difficult. I am starting to realize more and more how clueless people are about the life of a diabetic. I have told the crazy, the concerned, the desperate  and the generally caring people who want to know about diabetes, about diabetes. I can sum it up really quick but if you ask a question I can talk all day. I will be specific I will get gritty over it and maybe even vent a little of my frustration on these people.
      But lets be honest even the people I regularly communicate with and know of my diabetes still don't and won't ever in a million years get it. This is the one thing that people don't understand, every choice I make, every morsel of food I put in my mouth every insulin drop in my body will make the difference between life and death for me. People won't understand the responsibility, of the insulin shots and calculating every drop of food that goes into my mouth, the worry of ever passing out, thinking about your A1c and what you can do to improve. Did you take a shot for that sandwich, don't forget to take an extra bottle of strips with you. Worrying about other people on the road because you just might not notice your body revolting your careful meticulous care. Your  need to balance exercise and diet, and needing to explain again what diabetes is and that you don't need to be fat to have it (people are so rude).
      This bothered me at first and I wanted to make people understand, I wanted them to feel my pain and trouble, but I can't do that, people will not understand nor is it  of me to give someone else that part of me. Even though I am in high school and while most of my friends care mostly about relationships, parties, getting out of the house, and eating pizza, I am different I cannot act so carefree when my life simply is not. I carefully balance my bodies important functions to keep myself alive and healthy. I don't care about what the latest people magazine said about Angie and Brad but I am thrilled over my new Dexcom packet that came in this week and I worry about filling out my blood sugar sheets with good blood sugars instead of where I am hanging out with my friends.
       If anything this new thought process of wondering what other people think about all the time and how it feels to always have your body at a nice equilibrium,it  has taught me to think of others and I no longer care about whether or not they understand my burden because people simply can't know.

Editors Note: I have a social life and I do read peoples magazine like a crazy person that was more of an example than an actual Sarah fact.:0)

Monday, October 29, 2012

Why I started this Blog

    
      I love to write, well I love to write about stuff I choose to (cough, cough, I hate A.P. English, sorry Mrs. Simmons). I also feel connect in some mystical way to all of the diabetics out there feeling the same crap I do. People who understand the deep, the hard to understand, and the sincere need to live a long life just to prove you did. It is a lot to carry and I do not know personally someone with type one diabetes. I do know someone at my church and there are I think four students at my high school but I don't really know them.
        I have tried to write other blogs before one on my favorite hobby but soon I lost the fire, lost the creativity and didn't feel fulfilled the way I felt like blogging should. So a long story short I deleted it and started this one. I look back to my first posts and see how far I have come in such a short time. I am not saying I'm a great blogger or even a good one but this is how I have learned to cope with my disease.
       At first that is what this blog was for; coping, but now I do it because I utterly enjoy it. I doesn't consume my life but I love to do it. I only spend about thirty minutes to write one blog and sometimes just five or ten minutes. This blog helps me meld my life and diabetes with a tiny bit  and that is why I blog. I don't do it for the page views, or the stats, I do it for the people I hopefully reach to share with them they are not alone because you really aren't.



Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Oh Ollie....

 This si my new kitty and his name is Oliver. I love him even though he make my eyes scratchy and nose runny he is soft and fluffy and loves to lounge around like me. He is really my moms but he feel like mine. I wanted to name him Gus-gus but nobody but me liked it.. hmmm.
So here I introduce Oliver the cat who for the four weeks he has been in our house has learned to pee on my clothes in my closet floor (incentive, nope) and eats fingers and loves to sleep behind my neck. He is a sweet, feisty fellow but  think we can work with our differences. Is this the start to being a crazy cat lady?

Oh so fabulous

No more picture mom....


I give up





Monday, October 15, 2012

College prep for diabetics



 I love amazon! I always go there when I find a book I want and buy it used if I can for around a dollar. I got some books recently and they are think like a Pancreas by Gary Scheiner and College Rules by Sherrie Nist-Olejnik and Jodi Holschuh. I have really loved both books both of which I have heard from other people, and today when I finally got my Coolege Rules I was looking at the and realized this is college prep for a diabetic.



This of course doesn't even count the countless study hours for SAT and spending my entire life in school and doctors offices to get here but here I am. I don't know if I'm ready to go completely off the launch pad but I don't think I really get a choice at this point.  So while I was reading all it takes to be my own pancreas minus the actual working part I began to feel like this picture to my right.
 
And then I got to the part about adjusting to the Real World and I began to wonder if I had at all. Just kidding I think I have adjusted pretty well to society, not to their rules but my own about diabetes, independence, whats right and wrong which is all up for debate. But I don't know about this new real world I will soon be embarking on maybe it will require a whole new adjustment.



But I get so flippin' excited to read hear and just anticipate college.







P.S. I highly recommend both of these books they rock!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Dexcom G4 (Awesomeness)

I am so excited! I just found this press release, how funny is that considering that just last week the day I disconnected myself from my trial dexcom . I love this new dexcom model especially the part where it can read from twenty feet away! How great is that I love new diatechnology! Are you excited about this new equipment or are you leery? Do you love your dexcom 7 or are you willing to up grade?Read the  Press release here.
I really like this one I want to hear from other people how they like it before I decide to get this one instead of the seven.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Good-bye Dexcom I miss you

Woo what an eventful week it has been, as will the next one but I do have some exciting news. I was accepted to go to a diabetics retreat weekend for teen girl this November. I was so excited and I can't wait till I get to meet actual diabetics! I know that sounds ridiculous but I never get to talk to girls my age with diabetes, really I never talk to anyone.  To be quite honest whenever I do talk with someone about diabetes (they usually don't have it) there perspective is off a little and I end up lying and saying I understand and I get it when I want to run from the situation to beat the crap out of something.
     So anywho the reason this week has been incredible is because I got to use a dexcom for a whole week! I loved every moment of it, I was really quite scared I wouldn't like it  or it would annoy me but it didn't, every alert for a high and low was a welcome relief and really helped me keep more on track because I knew that if I didn't take my insulin Dexie would go off  and comforting because it went off at 80 instead of me waiting on a low 60 to feel it.I loved watching the screen to see where my last sugar was and enjoyed the few times I had a consistent blood sugar for a long time. I loved seeing the dots float perfectly between the lines. I enjoy you Dex and I wish you were really mine. It would have been nice to have it this week during midterms but since I used all my time with you the week before I guess I will keep on dreaming because my insurance doesn't cover one :(
    I would have to pay out of pocket for one and the woman who put my sensor in said she wasn't sure but thought that they cost around 1000 to 1200 dollars. WHAT! Really I wasn't shocked but upset that at this moment I can't get one, but a pump and a CGM are on my wishlist  before I start college. And FYI to those of you who don't know I do MDI (multiple daily injections).
    Do you ever catch your self using abbreviations for those super long words: D.K.A., C.G.M., M.D.I., B.G., C.D.D., the list goes on but my most favorite is S.W.AG. ( Scientific Wild Ass Guessing) doesn't that just make you smile.


When I walked up to my lunch table today I saw this... it is a little fuzzy but that is a test strip. What a lovely dead strip. I decided to leave it there and see if it is still there before I leave forever when I graduate in May. It makes me smile I don't know why.....
      Have a terrific week, this week have a college visit and go to Monday back to my doctor to review my sketchy week on the Dexcom. Fingers crossed.



                                 The last twenty-four hours with Dexie, not exactly impressive.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Reasons Control sucks

the little things.
  I have been trying really hard to get in more control since I recently went to see a G.I. doctor a few weeks ago, but it never leaves my mind. It drives me crazy whenever I lay down at night I think about whether or not I checked a minimum of four times a day and if I didn't I swear to myself I won't forget again. I struggle with the on going thought in my mind like a farris wheel: did you check, did you shoot, are you high. are you, low. is this hunger or am I low do I have a legit reason to be pissed or am I high. How many carbs were in that larabar package I  threw away. I often wonder about my future what will this do to me, will it be the reason I can do nothing or that I do everything.  So even though my control at this point is not terrific it is better than it has been but it is driving my crazy but I hope it doesn't drive me to burnout again.                                                                                                  



Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Daibetic funny

Just a little something to make you laugh or smile if that is what you prefer.

Friday, September 28, 2012

5 Myths about Diabetes

 This is a blog post I have been wanting to do for a while, it something I could see fun writing and coming up with, but in the end I ended up using the most common misconceptions that people have about diabetes.I wanted to avoid these but maybe I can email this to some people that I know that are completely clueless about the 'betes.

                                                          You cannot eat sweets....
No.... I eat sugar like no one business plus have you ever tried to avoid sugar? That crap is in every thing, you try and avoid it. All you have to do is give the correct amount of insulin and hope you did everything right.
                                                       You cannot exercise.....
Umm... no. Have you ever heard that for type 2 diabetics,  sometimes a healthy diet and exercise will help control blood sugars. That is really a way for all diabetics to control blood sugars to exercise, so like for all humans exercise benefits us too. The way to prevent low blood sugar is to check before during and after and make sure your blood sugar is above 120.

 The shots hurt...
Ok so they do I mean it is impossible not to hit nerves and vessels but most of the time the needles don't hurt and they are very thin and short and almost always pain free. The same with the inserters unless you use the old medtronic one, that thing hurts. 

You cure it with a pill so it's not so bad...
Nada, there is no cure and even though many wonderful people are looking for a cure we are still always in danger of severe complications. Our hope is that one day we can have a cure; there still is no magic pill.


Only Children can get it....
Even though it most commonly occurs in children it can happen in adults too. Now they call it LADA or type 1.5. It still has to be  treated with insulin and they must take it for the rest of their lives.

I hope this answers some of you none diabetics questions and breaks some of your stereotypes about diabetes. I hope this is your thing you learned today now what do you think readers? What are some more common misconceptions you run into a lot: does Aunt Susie refuse to let your child anything but veggies and meat when your hild is at her house, do people think that all you do is wave a wand over hand to check your blood sugar, I want to know which ones you run into.










Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Google Doodle for World Diabetes Day

     Have you heard about the petition for Google to make a doodle for World Diabetes Day? Can I get a "HALLA" from my fellow type 1,2,3! What a great chance to educate the world about diabetes what this blog is about, what so many other diabetics I know are about EDUCATION.

      We as a group should put our efforts together and educate the world about diabetes so maybe we can get rid of the stereotypes, the fears, the ignorant comments, and maybe help other know the signs and symptoms of diabetes to catch it early. We all are here and so is our diabetes and it ain't goin' no where so lets do this thing!
Also for my fellow diabetic out their who don not take their insulin (like me) sometimes: I found this letter from one of the first patients to receive insulin who's name was Teddy Ryder, his uncle begging for insulin for his five year old nephew. It really made me think about how I take for granted the gift of insulin. Read here.

Have a great weekend poeples.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Lovely Numbers

What is a lovely number? What number has magical power to you? To me it is 104 a perfect number which means I am good. I am free to not worry about my body or how I feel, in fact I don't feel I just am, I'm happy. This is a photo of me from 2007 if you look you can see my pump in a ell phone ase on my pants. During this time I had a a Cozmo and I still miss that thing and I still have it, besides how throws away a couple of thousands dollar pump :o)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Lower A1c and a warning

I have really been missing my pump lately. I know it was my decision over a year ago to go off the pump but now I am ready for my pump-cation to be over. Last week I had my endo appointment  and I was not looking forward to it. I mean that those doctors are scary and I feel like I'm just going to be told that I am doing it wrong, I really cannot be the only one who thinks that. Well I was right they did tell me everything I was doing wrong they told me I wasn't checking enough, I had high blood pressure myA1c was down a little and no pump fo me. As much as I wanted to I knew they were right. I am scared of whats to come. I will let you know about my yearly tests soon.
 By the way my A1c was brought down from 12.9 to11.5 whoop whoop!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A diabetics challenge!

I love to do challenges, competiions, and win stuff. I especially love to enter contests. Ihave never won one before but I still like it. So I decided to do one in my blog  and that is to make one day a month a themed diabetes day and everyone can email me their photo of  how sucessful or awesome or a flop it was. I want to do this because lets face it; it is hard to be positive all the time. I want your feedback from this and I will give you about two weeks so you can plan. are you ready for the September Happy diabetes day theme? Drum role please .............. are you ready.... I hope..... it is...... Blue Friday (pun intended).
So what are you supose to do for blue friday? Well silly you are supose to dress in your bluest bes and get all your friends and family to participate.
Then take a picture of you and your family and friends shot me an email and I will post my favorite pics to the blog and the  rest will be in a special slide show on a new tab soon to join the family o tabs.This month their will be no prize but I hope inthe future I can arrange that for you all. So are ready, get set and go!!!!! The Day of Blue Friday is September 14 so arrange your plans accordingly! I hope to recieve a ton of emails. ( P.S. You can do this any day you want but the picture will be posted  the saturday after.) Happy diabetes day peoples!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Celiac Disease and Me

You want to know what; these past few weeks I have felt like crap, sluggish, depressed, brain fog, to list a few. These have really been going on for a long time so one morning my stomach was hurting and right before we left for school I jumped out of the car ran inside and threw up (tmi i know)
     So at this point my mom decided to get me tested for celiac. Yes most of us diabetics are tested for celiac at least once in our lives and I have only been test once and we went Wednesday right before school and the test said no celiac so whoop whoop! But I have also read about people who went gluten free felt so much better, so much better that they realized that they had be sick so long they didn't even know who good it felt not to be sick. So here I go lets see where this takes me. I am not saying good bye forever to buffalo chicken pizza or gigi's cupcakes but more that I want to see if this makes me feel better.


Little Crazy with Lizzie and me (I am on the left)


Friday, August 10, 2012

Highschool and type 1 diabetes

    I have always tried to do my very best in school. I imagine it my way of getting the things I want most out of life, college, awesome dream job, and just to know lots of stuff. I get scared at the thought that I could possibly do my very worst at school and fail miserably.
   I always push myself and though at times I feel inadequate with all the standards put on me by teachers, parents, other important people in my life I know I can do it. I can do this, I know I can do this, I will do this are words I frequently say to myself when I am given a test that by the end I am in tears and I know I have failed it badly. I have tried hard because I never want to be known as the dumb one the one who just doesn't have it, to have the permission to use my mind for more than just normal stuff. I love to think. So other than completely telling the whole world hat I am an absolute nerd who is better at studying than keeping up with facebook  I am also here today to tell about my experience, advice, and lists for surviving high school with type 1 diabetes.
    I went to a private school my freshman year, and even though this school had impeccable standards, I wore a uniform and walked in line they had no nurse. I was left to care for my diabetes on my own from 7 to 3:30. No one was ever there to help when my blood sugars were low and I'm pretty sure had I passed out due to low blood sugar I would have died before someone figured out I needed a glucogon.
   So in September of my sophomore year we moved and I started at my now high school. They had a nurse, most teachers knew what to do if I were to pass out, and I had a free pass to the bathroom and a locker in the nurses office to keep snacks and at the time I had an insulin pump. I really struggled that year, it was my first year ever in a public school, I knew nobody an I had to jump in a system I was partly behind in and partly ahead in and everyone thought I was either a missionary kid shipped over from a foreign country or from military school. I had to get use to reporting to a nurse and having a busy schedule. Lets just say my diabetes was walking on a tightrope that year my A1c was climbing, my hormones were slightly off balance and I needed some space to grow and stretch out. I live day to day taking for granted everything including my wondrous insulin pump, I guess you could say that this was my ultimate rebellious stage.
   So over that summer I decided to go old school and dig it with the shots. I began my junior year with shots and boy that made my diabetes easier to hide but way more unpredictable. I also carried my rebellion into this year and totally gave in to my poor me attitude and struggled with depression form what I later figured out was from very high sugars. Over my Christmas break I landed in the hospital with a virus of some very painful repercussions and the highest A1c ever 13.6. I hated what my diabetes had done to me and how it had made me into this sick person. I left the hospital and slowly began my recovery.
   One day I forgot my insulin at home and my sugars skyrocketed at school. I got terribly sick I couldn't even stand and for those of you who have never thrown up from high blood sugars it takes hours and hours of sitting with the feeling of " I am going to throw up any minute" to actually throw up. I went to dance class and felt fine and one my way to drivers ed went down hill quick. I remember looking around for the trash can, and then went to the nurses office for water and a minute to rest because it was a long and exhausting walk to the office. I tried to go to each class and ended up back in the nurses office when eventually against my will called my mom. Yep lets talk about a real crappy day I ended up throwing up in the car waiting on my mom to sign me out and made my brother throw it away (hahahahaha). In the end I went home and swore I would never do that again and keep insulin in the school fridge.
I am going to start my senior year again with out a pump again, I really miss that baby and I am nervous about the stress and the super hard schedule my friends in the registrar department have graced me with I predict my levels going through the roof baby! Yep I am preparing by keeping extra tabs on the bg's and keeping it down low if you know what I mean. So I am anxious but prepared including all things "d" wise
A diabetic high schoolers school list for MDI's and pumpers
two bottles of glucose tablets
Lance 4 pack crackers
gel tubes
Unexpired glucogon
extra insulin ( only if there is an available fridge for pumpers and MDI's)
2 bags of syringes or just a few for pumpers usually ten a bag
extra bottle of testing strips
ketone strip (foil wrapped is best)
extra meter set
lancets
nausea medication (pepto bismal)
pain medication (advil, tylonal)
money to by water or lunch
and any extra medications you take.
This is just a general list and it increases and decreases throughout the year. I would love to know what you or you send with your kids to school. I try to be prepared but I do forget stuff. I try my best not to freak out unless it is insulin :0). The other day I forgot my test strips and there forth I just had to not check at lunch and go with my gut with the high low thing.It worked out fine but I don't like doing that.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

4 steps to managing your diabetes

I feel awesome! I love this I feel my body being in perfect harmony with the rest of my life lately I have been having terrific sugars. I can tell, I have energy in the afternoon, I have learned my limits and where it is okay to push a little farther. I can't help but feel pretty awesome about myself. For once in my diabetes I am the one in control; no pump, cgms, or loads of sugary chalk or high insulin doses. I am so happy I am where I am for once I am in control. I love it I could go on and on and I did it by realizing I don't have to do my diabetes perfect. Have you ever been there where you realized that perfection means burnout and the worst management also means burnout and when you hit it in the middle you are just absolutely content. Not to say I am in perfect control because I am far from it but I am far from where I was at the beginning of summer. I  do regret the times I have done less than just a shot of lantus and the occasional weekly check but I can't change what I did or how I treated myself but Thats what this thing called life is all about learning from our mistakes. I might not be able to reverse any of the effects it had on my body but I can prevent future damages. Here are a few tips to better control without burnout.:
1. Take your insulin: I used to when I would be on a high for taking care of the 'betes I could do it for a few days then burnout and all the work would go to waste. I have found if I take care things one at a time I can grasp it better. This morning for example I calculated my carbs checked my sugar did a shot and forgot about it. I didn't dwell on it or over think it because once that insulin and food is in your body there is little else you can do.
2. Log it: I hate hate hate logging my blood sugars but if I do it once a day as part of my routine like part of doing the dishes is logging your blood sugars you are on your way to establishing a good habit. Plus logging your sugars keeps you accountable to youself and you can see where it is you need to make changes to.
3.Check it out: Check your blood sugars a minimum of four times a day, make it a goal to check your blood sugars four times a day. You should check before every meal and before you go to bed, I do a quick check before I even roll out of bed in the morning and before I lay down in bed at night (literally I won't sit down). Of course if you exercise everyday you should also check before and after and when ever your body feels off.
4.Exercise: Believe me I am a teenager and I love to just sit around watch law and order eat pizza facebook and hangout with friends buit since making myself workout and break a sweat everyday has done wonders for my mood, sugars, and insulin resistence I love to do it because it also brings my sugars down. I don't always check before I exercise but I always do after then again thirty minutes after. It ahs really helped me feel a lot better.
Those are the basics I hope these help so let me know have an awesome week. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Diabetes in the Capital!

The small young girl, looked younger in the face than her height might make you assume. I was pale and shaky and maybe I even cried a little. I wasn't sure about these feelings, they were still new and unfamiliar territory. I did know what they meant though,
 "Mom I think I am low."  The busy capital building was buzzing with people.
 " Are you sure honey?" she questioned "lets check it real quick"
The meter red back a lovely 60. The intern giving us a tour left to find some candy and came back with a box of milk duds and smarties. I swallowed them and my grandfather carried me around the capital for about thirty  minutes. It did take a while for that sugar to come up and then it dropped again that day and my grandmother tried to bring it up with a fourth of a chocolate bar. I don't remember that working real well.

     I remember my first trip with diabetes clearly. And only a few incident that called for emergency care (aka lows but not severe). I went to Washington D.C. with my mom and grandparents; the original plan had been without my mom but I was only diagnosed three months before the trip so she came too. My grandparents weren't and still aren't very well versed in the care for a child with diabetes so it was a life saver that my mom came. Their trip required tons of walking and riding on the bus or taxi, some days we would walk several blocks without stopping for food. My mom of course had plenty of stuff to take care of me but I was still on my strict diabetic diet and had to eat at certain times, one bus tour lasted all night and interfered with my dinner time causing me to go low and no where to stop and rest till it came up. But overall I just remember how much I loved the Smithsonian museum, seeing the monuments and my first plane trip. I don't remember the shots, checking constantly, and being forced to eat thirty carbs for a midnight snack when all I wanted to do is sleep. I remember my papa giving me my first pair of wings and the freezing temperatures at Arlington cemetery but not my mothers constant concerns of my well being. Diabetes might seem overwhelming at times and yes some of the lows, highs, and strange foods might stick out but we will always have the surrounding memories. I was only nine so maybe the thought that I could die from this disease never crossed my mind.
     Diabetes isn't your life, memories, thoughts, and dreams; it is just something you have to squeeze into it all because eventually POD'S (Parents Of Diabetics) we(pwd's) will have our lives, memories, thoughts, and dreams but not diabetes.And those things like that trip to D.C. soon after diagnosis will be things you can smile at. Me and mom still laugh at the way my mom gave me a fourth of a candy bar to bring up a forty blood sugar. Oh the early days....

Soon I will be posting my first vlog! 

Sunday, July 22, 2012

My Way or No Way

I have fought the need to have the perfect body my whole life. I have always been super thin like not in a healthy way. When I was first daignosed with diabetes at age nine I wieghed a measley 56 pounds. People always talked about how lucky I was to be so skinny and that I didn't need to worry about my wieght. I liked the way I was because for so long that is what poeple had made a big deal about me.
I am 17 years old and  my insulin to carb ratio is 1:5, wow that is low and yes I averege 12-15 units of insulin per meal (60 carbs is 12 units) I can't seem to get that 1:5 up because all this insulin is making me gain wieght and fast. I could do what I have done in the past, which is quit taking insulin all together (not a good idea) and lose wieght quick but I won't do that. I know very well that it isn't good for my body and that sooner or later it will literally kill me.
I have always tried to keep a positive self image about my body in  a world where everything is throwing at me YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH!
Someone I love dearly recently told my mom that I had put on a bit of wieght. This first infuriated and I was instantly offended. Do these people not understand that I was a good twenty pounds under wieght for years and that I take a tremendous amount of insulin to cover the smallest amounts of food. Plus why is everyone so obsessed with being so skinny  and why do so many people feel like they need to tell me that I am not as skinny as I used to be. If people knew what I have done to myself in the past because of weight issues they wouldn't ever say anything. Mostly it is heart breaking, I know I am going to struggle with this my whole life, many of the women in my family struggle with thier wieght and maintaining it. I want to be happy and healthy maybe that is to much and hey maybe all of you who feel like it is your place to tell me I'm not a skinny barbie doll; bug off and mind your own business I will do this my way. Thanks for the ranting time:))

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thursday Three

How is it Diabetes world. I love you bunches because of how "normal you make me feel. Everyday I check into my glu account and read shouts and discusions and sometimes give my own wisdoms. Then I will happily surf on over to Tudiabetes where I also get to chat and ask questions and input on others questions.I then read some of my favorites blogs and for that day I can handle it. I love my life, I love my family, I love my options and chioces I have. I think that despite my often negative feelings I no longer super alone and even though I haven't actually talked to a diabetic face to face in years this as close as it will get and I love being part of it. I want to be an advocate for you guys, what is your advice, hmmmm anyone.
   So this week on Thursday Three I have a few blogs and articles I really enjoyed this week and a funny something. I think Three is an inferrior number so I might move it to four whatcha think?

 Number one on our list is from a  favorite blog across the D.O.C. Six Until Me.com I go there everyday looking for the words from a fellow diabetic I feel I relate to. Maybe the one to inspire me to write this blog who knows. I have only gone to the beach once this summer and it was terribly crowded and not even a real beach ( a lake) and I didn't really get to swim or tan or read my lovely summer reading (not lovely). But some things I never thought about. Like the cooler thing, WHAT?!? I always try to keep my insulin in the shade or something never thought of the cooler a little dumb I know but hey we are always learning. FYI: I usually leave my insulin indoors or in the shade because if it got messed up I probably wouldn't figure it out till I was in DKA or I was dead, just sayin'. Here is the Link.

Here goes Number 2. Lately I have been really considering a CGM (continues glucose monitor) and I have been researching and researching and late last night I found this article. At first I was a little disappionted. All I had been reading about cgm's made them sound wonderful. I knew there would be alarms and annoying beeping and might dissrupt me at school a lot and even get me into giving my insulin more consistently because sometimes I just don't want to. But that brought me back to why I got rid of my pump. This time last year I gave up my pump for the old school treatment (insulin in a bottle and syringes). Why I'm not sure but I do know I was tired of being threated with it being taken away by my doctors and parents, tired of always explaining it to peole who enjoy putting their noses in my business and I wanted to wear a dress. Just one dress where I could not worry about that stupid pump. I hated the alarms and bells and changing that stupid site. I now see how amazing that pump was and how much it did for me  but I don't miss it. I like not wearing it and how now my diabetes is hideable. Now don't get me wrong I am not ashamed of my diabetes but I get tired of explaining it. So what are your views on CGM's are they worth the hassle or not. Do you do a CGM solo aka without the pump?  Please leave a comment.

   Oh my josh!!!!!!!!!!!! This thing is pretty amazing. I want to hold and try it on and use this for the rest of my life. A patch that delivers insulin with a simple press of a button. I bet you are thinking a pump but it isn't, it is a insulin delivery system for people on shots (like moi). I can't wait to try this one out and yes I am getting one. Its so little and tiny and little I want it !!!!!(insert evil happy laugh) Magic made by my favorite scientists and developers and however had this brilliant idea!

I hope you have had a happy week and I am so happy to see what the diabetes world future holds ;jumping off the moon right now!

Monday, July 16, 2012

A blop

    So as many of you who read my blog know me and my diabetes have a love hate relationship. Sometime I can rock this disease determined to have an A1c lower than eight and other times I really don't give a rip. My disease is one that scares the crap out of me, yet makes me unique and have a different take on life that others don't have. Sometimes it feel like an advantage and other times ( most of the time) it feels like an anchor holding me to the bottom of the ocean. I wonder what it is like not to have to worry about what you eat, how it will affect you, or just not have to think.
    Despite how much I dearly love my family they seem not to care or even worry anymore. It hurts a little to know I have no one at my side to fight this disease that is on going and never ending. Not having someone to talk out the problems with or help me review my blood sugars to work out the knots. If you are someone who knows and care for a diabetic even when they grow out of needing constant attention they still need someone there to help or to just talk it out.
    A few weeks ago when my siter was visiting she mentioned my stay at the hospital over the  Christmas holiday. I had severe pain in my abdomine and my mom took me to the hospital because she thought that it was DKA ( it wasn't) but that is a story for later time. Anywho she said these words that stung through me worse than that pain did,
   " Oh yeah you went into the hospital for you kidneys or something."  her vioce was one as if she was talking about the silliness of Justin Bieber or something other.
    OR SOMETHING! Are you kidding me even though that incident had nothing to do with my kidney's she didn't give a rats butt that it could have easily been life and death and right now I could have been on dialysis right now. She used to know, she used to be the one who got me juice in the middle of the night. The one who work up to me crying after having a siezure from low blood sugar. She is the one who was there when my mom began to think I had something wrong ("d" symptoms). She is the one who helped me learn how to hide my pump in my bra telling me it looked like a cellphone . She often sat with me while I cried for no reason over a low and was even there at my last doctors appiontment. Where did it go, why did she not care anymore, it broke my heart.
    My mom did a similar thing the other day and even though she might not have meant it or might not even remember it but during a quick conversation  I ask her if she though when we get our new insurance we could get a new meter ,
 " Oh I don't care about that" she said it quickly and cheaply.  Now when my blood sugar is low she lacks the compassion to wait for it to come up and for me to feel better, or when my blood sugar is high the fact that I get  tired and sick and cranky and unable to control my anger. These words are often said, "I don't care what your sugar is you will not act that way." Low or high she doesn't care anymore she used to be my pancreas my pump holder and indicated my sugars and problems . I feel alone and scared that I have been dumped out of the pot to do it all on my own.
   I know I am whining but I do feel alone. I hate that some days I go without a shot because I'm just sick of it but to my mom I am in denial  and I am killing myself. It isn't so cut and dry so much is mixed up, more than even we realize. I sad to see the support I always had slip but I am glad my mother no long worries or beats herself over it all, I always felt guilty about that. Go and hug your broken pancreas people!

   P.S. I might do something amazing soon keep in touch.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what?! I love the weekend I love the summer weekends and even though I already described my plans I am still going to have a good time. Sooo....................



IT'S FRIDAY!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Thursday Three!

Whoop Whoop it is almost friday which is incredibly close to the weekend. Of course this weekend I am far from free. This weekend I have a yardsale, memorial service, couple of projects to be done, summer reading to finish, and a lot of laundry to do. Jus a few more weeks of summer vacation people are you rerady for another year! Well I'm not. I like getting paid and all of the influencial people in my life say I can't work through the school year. So far my summer has been pretty stress free and school always rocks my world (or should I say 'betes). For now I will enjoy posting every week , watch How I met your mother and gossip girl, and zero stress. Yes you probably guessed it school stresses me out but I enjoy the consistent schedules (ironic I know) and absolutely hae anything that throw it off. I especially hate prep rallies. I mean really what is the piont of making guys whom already have a big head prepped up for a game of high school football?!? WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL! Maybe it is so the cheerleaders can show off thier stamachs to everyone, or evenso the band can play in the gym to show off their "skills" What ever the piont is I like for everyday to be the same and no I don't have a lot off school spirit.
Okay thanks for the ranting session lets get back to the purpose of today. Every thursday I will post three things I find interesing or inspiring to do with life and diabetes. Maybe sometimes it won't be, but n general thats what it will be. So are you ready for week 1 of Thursday Three........
1. This so true for every diabetic. We often can feel alone no matter how involved we are online or in the real world , in the end we are at home dealing with the lows and high by ourselves and sometimes it's nice the be hugged ( or for a man hand shack) and hear the words "you are doing your best."
 2. I love blue shoes. It is my new obsession especially since hearing that blue is the 'betes color and you wear blue shoes and blue clothes on friday. I think friday will be my blue day. It could start something, hmmmm. Plus these are adorable.
3. Be my glu BUDDY. I jioned glu this week and love. My username is sam16 ( after my goldfish named sam who lived for sixeen days). https://myglu.org/

Me and My sister Amanda or Nana as I call her, she is my 'betes buddy even though she doesn't have diabetes.
 Have a wonderful weekend everybody and dress like you are in the original Girls Just Wanna Have Fun ( I actually did this for a school dance preformance) Music video. Awesome!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

I think I can...

Here is the July Tudiabetes blog challenge. I visit tudiabetes everyday, I probably use it more than facebook. I have really loved being part of conversations and discussions on my area of expertise ( more or less my expertise.)

I think I can, be a better diabetic but what makes me a better diabetic?
I think I can make it through another low, another high, another question of why is it so off.
I think I can log today, twelve little numbers up and down.
I think I can remember to check, check, check.
I know this will not defeat me I will laugh a little and joke, I will support others, dream bigger, and take one shot closer to better. I am not sick I am not weak I am not forgotten. I think today is one closer day to a cure not further from a cure. I am strong, well, and a diabetic.

What do think you can do and what do you know you can do? You are much stronger than you realize.

Monday, June 25, 2012

My Endo Appiontment

So  on Wednesday I had a doctors appointment in Atlanta. I knew my sugars hadn't exactly won the best Readings Award, but hey I wrote them all down honest to God.
   Some I had missed some were pure neglect and others were ehhhh. I was nervous and shaky worried out of my mind about what the endo would say. I love my team of really amazing doctors. They always help keep the lectures at bay and help me with my silly pointless problems. They get it and I am not all that sure why.
   First there is Dr. Baldwin, she is very nice and funny but extremely helpful and professional. When she says so I trust her. Next is Stephanie, I adore Stephanie she is smart, young and pretty and she always encourages me and never scolds my horrible sugar sheets but helps me figure out where I went wrong. Susan is my dietitian and she is amazing and incredibly knowledgeable of diabetes. At my last appointment she told me to call her aunt Susan. Pretty neat team along with some terrific nurses.  I really wanted to see Stephanie this time around but I didn't get to, I saw a new dietitian, one I had never met but had worked there for ten years.
   I wanted to discuss CGM'S (continues glucose monitors) she didn't know anything about them. I want to discuss  my licence and she completely through me under the bus and told my mom with my A1c she would not recommend it and I lost it I bursted into tears. I sobbed like I just saw my puppy get ran over by a semi-truck. I think I freaked the poor woman out because she jumped up and left the room. My mom hugged my neck while I sobbed for a few seconds and told me I made her cry too. I was pissed, pissed at the world, pissed at myself. I wanted more than anything to be independent; to be able to drive myself to school on August sixth. Why couldn't I push myself to be the best, the best at my disease and my body, do what I have to and reach that seemingly unattainable goal. People make it sound so easy like it is as simple as a shot and finger prick when in fact it is the skill of balancing out your body in so many ways you can't imagine. People often lack understanding of our invisible disease....
   " Oh you want to eat that slice of Ice cream cake? Go ahead but nothing you can do will keep your blood sugars from being through the roof in an hour." (my body)
   " You have diabetes? My grandma does to, but you don't look fat?"
   " My mom has to take medication for that too, she hates taking those pills. Do you hate taking the pills."
   " At least all you have to do is take a pill to fix it."
   " You at least have a cure, since you have insulin."
   " Oh I hate shots, I could never do it, I don't know how you do that."
I want to be someone inspirational. I want to change what people think of diabetes. I want to be able to drive. Is that to much to ask?

   Something as simple as a driving test is simply impossible to achieve because I am just not good enough. I know I am not alone with the whole teen driving thing and I do not have the only disease that keeps me from driving ( epilepsy too) but please, please let me drive.
   In the end that is it it isn't that the new dietitian said I couldn't get my liscence, she simply said she didn't recommend I get behind the wheel of the car and drive ( I technically still could go and get mine) it was the fact she pointed out that I have failed at my disease and this is one of the first of many complications that come with my disease. She encouraged me (they seem to always) to try harder at management and to try to find a solution that works. So point closing, she is not the first person at that office to make me cry, I have been trying as of late to really work on my sugar control, and I miss having a diabetes person that I can relate too. I also have a job to earn money for that car.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Diabetic in action: Kerri Morrone

I love hearing about people who do amazing thing, inspire poeple and don't let anything hold them back not even diabetes. Kerri Morrone Sparling is one of these people that I look to keep me on track with my diabetes. She is an amazing woman who has done what many peole with diabetes struggle to do healthly; have a baby. I read her blog everyday and love to see the videos she posts. Here is an insert from her intro on her blog:





Hi! I'm Kerri Morrone Sparling. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on September 11, 1986. For much of my life, I was the only diabetic I knew.




I started Six Until Me in May of 2005 because I was tired of Googling "diabetes" and coming up with little more than a list of complications and frightening stories. Where were all the people who were living with this disease, like I have been since I was a little girl? Was I the only diabetic out there who felt alone?



But then I learned about blogs, and the power of sharing our stories online. Back when I first started blogging, I was one of four or five diabetes bloggers. Now I am a proud member of a vast diabetes community who prove every day that I'm not alone with this disease.



I am a patient blogger, freelance writer, and social media consultant. I truly love what I do for work and am so proud to be a member of the diabetes community.



But there's more to me than diabetes.





I keep an extensive collection of photos on my Flickr account, where you'll find my Diabetes365 experience, including a high volume of photos of my cats, and some of my daughter. I love my camera and bring it everywhere I go. I'm also a frequenter of Twitter and Facebook, but let's be honest - sometimes that social networking stuff can wear you down.





My husband is a clever and kind screenwriter named Chris, and we've been happily married for four years. We're husband-and-wife, but we're also friends, and that means so much to me. On April 15th, 2010, our daughter joined the Sparling family, and becoming her mom is the greatest honor I have ever known. I love being part of this family.



I am quick with a compliment, a blog post, and to drain a cup of coffee. I never mean to offend but I always mean what I say. When it comes to my friends and my family, I am as loyal as they come.



If you have something to say, email me. You can also contact me by mail at Kerri Sparling, c/o Six Until Me, 716 Centre of New England Blvd, Coventry, RI, 02816.

If you feel like wondering over to her blog here is the link. Lots of love you guys have an amazing Tuesday.



Thursday, June 14, 2012

Happy Birthday Daddy! A true D-Dad

     Today is my dads birthday, he is fifty two ( don't tell him I told ya'll). My dad is a special person and he handed me several good genes. And thanks to the fact that heredity can be ruled out of by diagnosis he is not blamed at all for giving me a disease( thanks for that one dad.) My dad is a pretty amazing guy he is very laid back, cooks really good food and works really hard. He some how or another can make people feel relaxed and at ease, he knows how to fix a problem but only problems that require it. He is incredibly gifted at making me feel guily and special.
     I clearly remember my dad being there during my hospital stay. He is the one that held my hand while the nurse gave me an I.V. and he sat through class to learn how to count carbs and care for my now full time job of diabetes. My dad would have been fine to sit back and watch but he didn't, he gave me shots and learned a little math. He did give me shots even though I didn't like it, his hands would shake and squeeze my skin to hard. He went to the pump information meetings and learned how to do a pump site and read the history to check blood sugar readings and bolus amounts. And through the years my mom took on more and more then I slowly began to take over. I do all my own shots now, I do lantus on my own, and write my logs, it was even my desision to go off the pump last July. My dad occasionally helps me count carbs (he is really good at that too) and reminds me to check my blood sugar and do insulin.
     My dad is one of the quiest poeple I know but the only person that can make me smile when I don't want to. He is a source  of assurance in my crazy life knowing he will come home and somehow make me smile. He is the man of no nonsense with wisest advice. My dad doesn't get a whole lot of credit for caring for my disease but in my heart I know he does a very good job and tries to help as much as possible.
This disease is overwhelming and hard to handle. You can often feel alone and tired out; we all have a person and mine is my dad. He is the comfort without a hug and funny without the joke. I love you dad and have many more happy years. You Rock!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Bring it on: Taking on your diabetes care

     This was a point in my life that at the moment I am just figuring out. I have always had my parents full support even though sometime without understanding of living with diabetes. My mom carried my checker bag extra syringes and did my pump site well till I was fourteen because I couldn't make myself do it. I've always tried to be independent with my care and learned as much as I could about my disease as possible. But I never really wanted to do it alone. I always have been scared of not having someone to lean on and to help me figure it out. Of course we all must grow up at sometime and I guess for some it is earlier and others it is later. I figure mine is later; recently I have come out of a very long burn out. he hardest thing for me was dealing with my family, but mostly my parents. My siblings didn't really care but my parents have really pushed me to be independent with my diabetes since day one. They still counted my carbs, thy would draw up my insulin, keep up with supplies, inject insulin when I didn't want to, and talked to the doctor and they decide my care and treatments.
    Of course I was fine with this because I really could care less. My A1c has slowly risen farther up since I was diagnosed and of all things in the world I hate the feeling of being out of control. I like knowing I have some control over the big things. I was tired of having to do it and doing it right just because I had to. I hated it I just wanted it to go away (I still do). So I have slowly come up with ways to over come my burn out and take on control for myself; not my doctors or my parents.
  1. Set a goal. Yea yea, you know this one but coming from a person who has struggled with burn out for close to two years I have to say this one was the hardest for me. I wanted a realistic goal, I wanted a goal I really wanted, I wanted a goal I could absolutely reach. I thought about my dreams and goals and how my diabetes would effect me. I found one that in my heart of hearts hurts for me to think about. Someday after collage. career, dream man I want to have a baby. And to be honest I have always wanted a house full, but if all I can take is just one I want it. I want to be a mom one day and forget bucket list this is beyond a dream it is something I have wanted since I was a little girl. I want to celebrate mothers day with cards made by hand I want to go broke buying them Christmas gift. This something many women find that they can't have and I hate that at the age of 17 I have to think about but that is part of  a WWD (Women with diabetes) issue. I want to be a mom and of all my dreams this is the one that my diabetes will affect the most.
  2. Find Inspiration. This one applies to overcoming burn out and being in charge of your diabetes. I love to read blogs about other diabetics read books on caring for my diabetes. This is the big part of burn out is learning other ways to care for yourself maybe it is a new kind of exercise or a positive word from some one who has gone through it already. My favorite blog is Kerri Morrone Six until Me. It really keeps my head in the game and lets me relate to other and I also enjoy reading about her very successful pregnancy of a gorgeous little girl. She also does a lot of stuff like traveling that I hate doing with my "D". Go and find something but for me reading about what could happen (as in the bad stuff) doesn't help me at all.
  3. Talk it out. I do this but I do it in my head. All the things I wanted to say to people would probably just make them hate me. But I do talk about it in my head and I often find what it is that is holding me back. I know I might sound crazy but I never talk back to myself so I must be okay. Talking to my parents about the issues never helped and I could never get my point across so I would write down my problem and think it through. 
  4. Try your best. Even if you don't feel like it ( A.K.A burn-out) for one day try to do your very best at controlling your blood sugars and insulin injections on your own. Do it and if it isn't that great try it again the next day. If you forget to check at one meal then try again at the next. It is a step by step thing getting back on track, it can't all happen at once.
  5. Remember. Your goal is to be healthy and to live long and happy. Maybe your A1c is going to be high so go ahead and decide how you will handle it; with tears or willingness to discuss with your endo about how you have a new mind set. Remember they want to help you but they can't tell that you have changed your mindset by look at you current A1c of 9.1 if you tell them your new plan and actions you have already started on they will most likely be positive with especially  when your next A1c is 6.3!
This takes something for everyone, rather it takes a scare or a sudden awakening but for me it took the reliation that I don't want my parents to have to hover over me forever always wondering if I'm dead from a hypo comma or ketonic over a constant 500 and no lantus I forgot for four days in a row. Nobody wants to have the burden of everyone worrying about them; it is  very hard to think you are the reason your mother has ulcers or you dad can't sleep at night because he thinks you might not wake up in the morning.

You are in charge of you. In the end it is up to you you decide how your diabetes is going to effect you.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Summer schelules and High Blood sugars

      I honestly love summer. I love the feeling of the heat wrapping around your body even though your insides feel nice and cool. I love to swim, I swim till I'm low and then don't check enough, eat to much and go high and figure the physical activity will bring it down (wrong by the way!) I like the beach, drives to the mountians, sunday shopping trips, and coffee with friends that school nearly removes from my schedule. And now I work so I sit at a desk for nine hours a day removing my freedom of exercise from my daily life because it wipes me out to be lazy.
     Today though I have definately had a rollercoaster day. In terms of blood sugar readings I mean; I woke up with a 61 m/dL and ate myself some club crackers my mom broughT to me while I frantically ran around the house looking for my ipod. My mom kept telling me not to get up and that she would bring me something to eat. Every word she said to me made me mad, I really wanted to sleep a few extra minutes then she left to get ready for work and as soon as she left I zonked out and fell back asleep for another eight minutes. That would be my individual symptom because I have never heard anyone tell me that as a symptom: that high or low, when my sugar begins to adjust I get very tired like I cannot keep my eyes open tired. So when I woke up I pulled on a dress and shoes. pulled my hair out of the bun I slept in and ran my fingers through and put on make up. That really only took me fifteen minutes (I love that) but then I felt a sweep of hunger, like I will eat your pet dog zombie hunger. I grabbed a handfull of cheez-its and the jello cup, which has no carbs even though that was what I was on the hunt for. The jumbo peanut butter jar stared at my face screaming at me; EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I grabbed a spoon and ate it till I felt my throat begginning to stick  from the gunky gobs of yumminess. After that I felt suddenly better, almost a calm sense over came me and I knew I wouldn't be going into a comma today or at least a low comma.
     So I fixed me a to go cup of cream with a little coffee and packed my bookbag grabbed my summer reading, purse, extra syringes, checker bag and left for work. I felt great and carried on my marry way till my religous 10:30 2 hrs after breakfast sugar. Even though breakfast was 2 hrs earlier today than usual. And to my shock My blood sugar read a shiny bright 495 at my face  laughing  saying YOU ATE IT ALL! YOU ATE IT ALL! Inside my stomach sank, I did it again I failed. I've put my body one more high closer to kidney failure. You didn't think, you didn't correct for over correcting, you messed up and now you are going to pay with a bout of naseua, head aches, and sleepiness. Your mother is going to see this and yell and get mad and ask you " why didn't you JUST eat 15 carbs, thats all you need, self control Sarah!"
And to be honest it hurts when my mom tells me that. She doesn't understand what it is like to be in a state of confusion, fear, cottonhead, crying without a true meaningful cause.
      That is one thing that truely kills me about this disease the lack of understanding from my mother and occasionally my dad.I checked it again 30 mins after 11 u. of insulin and down to 365. wheew thats a relief but i predict a bottoming low around 50 by 12:30. I can still see her face; how it will look when she reads the numbers but maybe it will bottom out and stick there all day so she will see I tried and didn't let it stick there or let it continue to go up, but stuck with my lows for the sake of my A1c.
     So 30 minutes later I check again 269 heeeelllllooooooooo! that was a drop this is unusual for me my sugars love the 300's. I'm douncing water to get rid of any ketones if I have any, since I don't carry those darn things with me ever. My new schedule I devised yesterday says  I will eat at 12:30 and check at 12:30 and take insulin at 12:30 that is my predicted time for that super low.I would really prefer my day to me an inflatable slide. You know starts at the ground (61) then you go straight up (495) and come down ( 365, 269,) and continues to go down and stays at a perfect 130 mg/dL. That would be better than a roller coaster.
     So again at 12:06 i checked again 244 " dang"  only 25 in the past thirty minutes when I was push down hundreds for the past two hours. maybe it is my body leveling out well thats good as long as there are no more peeking I'm good but now I'm hungry but that will wait another thirty maybe it can come down another hundred in thirty minutes. At 12:25 I check again to make sure that it continue to drop steadily; 204. About to jump out of seat but decide not to. I would really like to go and jog but I don't think that will happen here at the office. So I throw my carefully devised schedule out the window and decide to push everything up thirty minutes today (my lucky number) and eat lunch when my sugar is below 150 mg/dL but I prefer a 120 mg/dL. With every bout of hunger I sip more water somehow that is supposed to help. I've never really tried maybe it will replace all the glucose in my cells with H2O causing me to be nice and steady for the rest of the day. Huh. My tummie rumbles but I can go without food, I want to feel good in one hour not sick all day, GET A GRIP! My chart on sugar stats show my hard work and I will predict my next one to be 130! I hope.
     Lunch rolls around about 12:50 and with hope and prayer and insulin on my side i do the dreaded  check. I go to the bathroom first and wash my hands and do i scrub 'em. I slide the dinosaur huge test strip into my meter and pick the cleanest finger avalable to prick (left pinky) I squeeze up a water and almost clear blood sample. It qickly runs down my finger but I chase it back with the meter like a bulldozer chasing a car. I wait the long five seconds when a number that is also my goal wieght shines brightly at me smiling, no longer taunting me but saying Good job Sarah you did it you didn't fail you succeeded. It felt as though it might but it didn't now eat your lunch and enjoy it but first bolus.
    Sometimes that all we need to hear. A quiet praise,  no party but maybe a word to confirm that yea you felt like crap, you checked seven extra times, religeously washed your hands and didn't eat anything for seven hours and focused on you and your health. You did it for this day and this day alone you were the superhero you won the fight and became that much better at you. Why can't people understand how huge this is for me, notice that I did it on my own and I had the same rush of going down a inflatable slide you get as a child bounccing down the big hill of fun. I deserve to where a cape today that is hot pink and says superhero on the back and everyone asks "what makes you a superhero?" and I would say "Today I won the fight of diabetes today, what did you do?"
     The moral of this story is when life give you a high blood sugar take insulin and watch it come down and celebrate and make sure you let people know you did it! You won! You are amazing! And you are a superhero!








Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I'm a Cheater!!!

    Guess what I am a cheater. But it is really okay with me you can tell everyone you want to. And guess what else you are too. Well, you are if you have diabetes. In the past decade we have cheated what people since aroud 1557 BC and probably before have never benn able to overcome or live through.
Have you ever coonsidered how lucky you are to have what we have ,a disease that doesn't have to kill us but in fact make us better representatives of human life.   By that I mean how precious it is to be a healthy person even if we struggle every day with what you want to do and what you need to do. Some people have chioces and others don't this involves all kinds of people not just with those with diabetes but those with cancer, celiac, heart disease just to name a very few.
   If you think about it less than a hundred years ago people would die from the very disease that has taken our country by storm one that gave children a few days to live and adults a few months. We have over come so much in a short period of time; we can binge on ice cream at coldstones, we can simply wake up in the mornings test our blood sugars and know that we are still here.  If you go into a comma  there is advanced medical treatments to bring us out of it so we can continue to be part of the lives of those we so dearly cherish. Nevermind the fact that some of us will not be able to have a child, some will have kidney failure, and some will have complications despite how hard we try  to control our disease. We have overcome a disease that even though it is not cured we have the will to ensure it is during our life time and the ability to live a long life.

Monday, June 4, 2012

My A1c problem

   Okay confession time! For the past severaly years my A1c has slowly crept up to the 13.0's. I know I could even hear you gasps through cyberspace. But really I feel so burnt out right know and even though it is my upmost desire to be in full control but something holds me back something keeps me from it.
   It like in my head I feel like a person who has it down but everyone else sees the rebeelion I really don't have. I want control I want healthy, I want fear of infertility, kidney failure, heart damage, and death to go away but I feel lost.
   Do you ever feel burned out?

Thursday, May 31, 2012

JDRF Atlanta

    Woohoo it is summer; time to get summer jobs (if you are a teenager) or just keep doing your normal thing with a nice vacation scheduled at a beach far from the office soon. As for me I am sticking it out I have a job :) and wouldn't mind having a second one, everyone tells me I'm crazy for wanting a second job along with my 45 hr. week already but hey I need to buy things to live and really need a car when I get my permit in June. But of course I am an over achiever and well I signed up to raise five hundred dollars for JDRF Atlanta and get a team together to run for a cure. Oh yeah my schedule for the next school year is scary and volunteered for my churches children's choir
     But we all deserve to be busy it is more interesting that way. I would love to go to Tybee or Jekyll sometime hopefully save for climbing gear and make stuff to sell on etsy. I like busy summer it keeps me ready for school plus my mom won't let me work during the school year. Bummer cause those climbing ropes are darn expensive. Oh well who has time for being relaxed and being bored out of their mind, not me.  But I am super excited about the Walk to cure IT. I can't wait to see who walks with me.  And of course I am already thinking of t-shirts. Hmmmmm navy and lime green sounds good to me.Have an amazing day.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Reason you can be glad you have diabetes.

Reasons we can be glad that we have Diabetes
Plato once said that “attention to health is life's greatest hindrance”.  A lot of the time it's easy to think about and focus on the negative side of life with IDDM.  Really easy.  But I also try really hard to think of the positive aspects.  Come on, you know, there are just great things about the big D that make you get up on the morning and say "thank GOD I have THIS!"

Here are just a few I came up with:

  • In a group hostage situation you can be sure you'll be among the first to be released, faster than you can jingle your MedicAlert bracelet and say "hey, does anyone have a dink? I'm feeling thirsty ..."
  • You can speak with some authority on the subject of diabetes - unlike say, the subject of the current up-to-date situation in the Middle East - and wow friends and family with statistics and lots of complex, polysyllabic words like "hypoglycaemia"
  • Rort the system and use it to get out of tricky university exams
  • When friends are arguing about where to go out to eat, you can say "I have to eat NOW" loudly - which usually means that they will exchange worried looks and hurry to the restaurant of your choice, little knowing that really you were just hungry and didn't feel like Thai
  • Who wants a fully functional pancreas anyway? It's so common.
  • Even though you may have no letters from that secret admirer, you'll always have diabetes-related junk mail so you can know at least that you'll have something to pull out of the mailbox in case neighbours are watching
  • You get to finely hone your swearing abilities with all those times when your BSL isn't what you expected
  • Enjoy the giddy feeling of living dangerously ALL THE TIME: "Bungy-jumping? A walking tour in Zaire? PAH! I have DIABETES!"
  • Always good emotional blackmail in a family fight (I've heard other people do this ...)
  • When annoying men ask you "why do you always drink Diet Coke? You’re so image- conscious.  Girls are always worried about their weight.." you can reply with "I have diabetes" and watch in delight as they turn bright red and mumble an apology.
  • Thanks to (occasional of course) hypos and very high blood sugars, you can experience unique body sensations and hallucinatory adventures without the use of illegal, expensive drugs: a cheaper night out!
  • Should you ever meet that special someone and s/he happens to have diabetes, you'll always have something to talk about during those Awkward Silences.  You can also employ unique flirting techniques: "I'll show you my injection bruises if you show me yours ..."
  • Should you ever NOT meet that special someone on a blind date or otherwise, just pull out your handy drug kit and excuse yourself for a well needed "fix" in the toilet.
  • Getting a tattoo is a breeze - it just feels like a few more injections than normal (and yes I do have one!)
  • Amuse yourself by trying to predict exactly what your BSL will be after that piece of sugar-coated mud cake, with honey and ice cream on the side.
Courtesy of a 1997 issue of HypoCaust – newsletter of the NSW Young People’s Group

These really made me laugh hope you enjoy them. Have an amazing summer.
                                                                                                                 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Happiness

What makes you happy?

I sometime like to think of what makes me the most happy, but often I honestly can't think of it. I think it is seeing the sunrise, freshly painted rooms, strawberries, or just a day of blessedly good blood sugars all day. it has been a while but when that happens I am so happy mostly because there is nothing to make me feel bad it makes me wonder why everyone else looks sad for no reason, I bet they never had to deal with high blood sugar after a cup of coffee or waking up with a thirty blood sugar. Ithink what makes me happy is knowing I won't live with this forever.
                                                                                                  Till next time................