Monday, June 25, 2012

My Endo Appiontment

So  on Wednesday I had a doctors appointment in Atlanta. I knew my sugars hadn't exactly won the best Readings Award, but hey I wrote them all down honest to God.
   Some I had missed some were pure neglect and others were ehhhh. I was nervous and shaky worried out of my mind about what the endo would say. I love my team of really amazing doctors. They always help keep the lectures at bay and help me with my silly pointless problems. They get it and I am not all that sure why.
   First there is Dr. Baldwin, she is very nice and funny but extremely helpful and professional. When she says so I trust her. Next is Stephanie, I adore Stephanie she is smart, young and pretty and she always encourages me and never scolds my horrible sugar sheets but helps me figure out where I went wrong. Susan is my dietitian and she is amazing and incredibly knowledgeable of diabetes. At my last appointment she told me to call her aunt Susan. Pretty neat team along with some terrific nurses.  I really wanted to see Stephanie this time around but I didn't get to, I saw a new dietitian, one I had never met but had worked there for ten years.
   I wanted to discuss CGM'S (continues glucose monitors) she didn't know anything about them. I want to discuss  my licence and she completely through me under the bus and told my mom with my A1c she would not recommend it and I lost it I bursted into tears. I sobbed like I just saw my puppy get ran over by a semi-truck. I think I freaked the poor woman out because she jumped up and left the room. My mom hugged my neck while I sobbed for a few seconds and told me I made her cry too. I was pissed, pissed at the world, pissed at myself. I wanted more than anything to be independent; to be able to drive myself to school on August sixth. Why couldn't I push myself to be the best, the best at my disease and my body, do what I have to and reach that seemingly unattainable goal. People make it sound so easy like it is as simple as a shot and finger prick when in fact it is the skill of balancing out your body in so many ways you can't imagine. People often lack understanding of our invisible disease....
   " Oh you want to eat that slice of Ice cream cake? Go ahead but nothing you can do will keep your blood sugars from being through the roof in an hour." (my body)
   " You have diabetes? My grandma does to, but you don't look fat?"
   " My mom has to take medication for that too, she hates taking those pills. Do you hate taking the pills."
   " At least all you have to do is take a pill to fix it."
   " You at least have a cure, since you have insulin."
   " Oh I hate shots, I could never do it, I don't know how you do that."
I want to be someone inspirational. I want to change what people think of diabetes. I want to be able to drive. Is that to much to ask?

   Something as simple as a driving test is simply impossible to achieve because I am just not good enough. I know I am not alone with the whole teen driving thing and I do not have the only disease that keeps me from driving ( epilepsy too) but please, please let me drive.
   In the end that is it it isn't that the new dietitian said I couldn't get my liscence, she simply said she didn't recommend I get behind the wheel of the car and drive ( I technically still could go and get mine) it was the fact she pointed out that I have failed at my disease and this is one of the first of many complications that come with my disease. She encouraged me (they seem to always) to try harder at management and to try to find a solution that works. So point closing, she is not the first person at that office to make me cry, I have been trying as of late to really work on my sugar control, and I miss having a diabetes person that I can relate too. I also have a job to earn money for that car.

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