Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Bring it on: Taking on your diabetes care

     This was a point in my life that at the moment I am just figuring out. I have always had my parents full support even though sometime without understanding of living with diabetes. My mom carried my checker bag extra syringes and did my pump site well till I was fourteen because I couldn't make myself do it. I've always tried to be independent with my care and learned as much as I could about my disease as possible. But I never really wanted to do it alone. I always have been scared of not having someone to lean on and to help me figure it out. Of course we all must grow up at sometime and I guess for some it is earlier and others it is later. I figure mine is later; recently I have come out of a very long burn out. he hardest thing for me was dealing with my family, but mostly my parents. My siblings didn't really care but my parents have really pushed me to be independent with my diabetes since day one. They still counted my carbs, thy would draw up my insulin, keep up with supplies, inject insulin when I didn't want to, and talked to the doctor and they decide my care and treatments.
    Of course I was fine with this because I really could care less. My A1c has slowly risen farther up since I was diagnosed and of all things in the world I hate the feeling of being out of control. I like knowing I have some control over the big things. I was tired of having to do it and doing it right just because I had to. I hated it I just wanted it to go away (I still do). So I have slowly come up with ways to over come my burn out and take on control for myself; not my doctors or my parents.
  1. Set a goal. Yea yea, you know this one but coming from a person who has struggled with burn out for close to two years I have to say this one was the hardest for me. I wanted a realistic goal, I wanted a goal I really wanted, I wanted a goal I could absolutely reach. I thought about my dreams and goals and how my diabetes would effect me. I found one that in my heart of hearts hurts for me to think about. Someday after collage. career, dream man I want to have a baby. And to be honest I have always wanted a house full, but if all I can take is just one I want it. I want to be a mom one day and forget bucket list this is beyond a dream it is something I have wanted since I was a little girl. I want to celebrate mothers day with cards made by hand I want to go broke buying them Christmas gift. This something many women find that they can't have and I hate that at the age of 17 I have to think about but that is part of  a WWD (Women with diabetes) issue. I want to be a mom and of all my dreams this is the one that my diabetes will affect the most.
  2. Find Inspiration. This one applies to overcoming burn out and being in charge of your diabetes. I love to read blogs about other diabetics read books on caring for my diabetes. This is the big part of burn out is learning other ways to care for yourself maybe it is a new kind of exercise or a positive word from some one who has gone through it already. My favorite blog is Kerri Morrone Six until Me. It really keeps my head in the game and lets me relate to other and I also enjoy reading about her very successful pregnancy of a gorgeous little girl. She also does a lot of stuff like traveling that I hate doing with my "D". Go and find something but for me reading about what could happen (as in the bad stuff) doesn't help me at all.
  3. Talk it out. I do this but I do it in my head. All the things I wanted to say to people would probably just make them hate me. But I do talk about it in my head and I often find what it is that is holding me back. I know I might sound crazy but I never talk back to myself so I must be okay. Talking to my parents about the issues never helped and I could never get my point across so I would write down my problem and think it through. 
  4. Try your best. Even if you don't feel like it ( A.K.A burn-out) for one day try to do your very best at controlling your blood sugars and insulin injections on your own. Do it and if it isn't that great try it again the next day. If you forget to check at one meal then try again at the next. It is a step by step thing getting back on track, it can't all happen at once.
  5. Remember. Your goal is to be healthy and to live long and happy. Maybe your A1c is going to be high so go ahead and decide how you will handle it; with tears or willingness to discuss with your endo about how you have a new mind set. Remember they want to help you but they can't tell that you have changed your mindset by look at you current A1c of 9.1 if you tell them your new plan and actions you have already started on they will most likely be positive with especially  when your next A1c is 6.3!
This takes something for everyone, rather it takes a scare or a sudden awakening but for me it took the reliation that I don't want my parents to have to hover over me forever always wondering if I'm dead from a hypo comma or ketonic over a constant 500 and no lantus I forgot for four days in a row. Nobody wants to have the burden of everyone worrying about them; it is  very hard to think you are the reason your mother has ulcers or you dad can't sleep at night because he thinks you might not wake up in the morning.

You are in charge of you. In the end it is up to you you decide how your diabetes is going to effect you.

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