To those D- mama's & D-dad's out there who wonder....
I am seventeen, I go to school, I try to make good grades, I have a drivers licenses and I have diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was nine years old and I remember it like yesterday but I don't really think you can forget something like that.
When I was diagnosed with diabetes I 'm sure my mom thought she would be forever bind to me and my care, she would never be ale to go on date nights with my dad again or buy oreo's or that I would ever be able to exercise strenuously (not that I do anyways). When we first started out I definitely couldn't see myself here. I didn't know that I would be semi normal in fact I knew no one and I was convinced I was the only one in the world with diabetes.
Now it mostly feels like diabetes and me, mom is still here but she never gives me shot or has to check my blood sugar for me . I make the changes and ask questions at the appointments I do the research and we no longer talk non-stop about a cure. People still tell me about there grandpa who lost this leg and aunt who died from really bad diabetes I shake my head and tell them how sorry I am for them but my kind is different.
I guess I will always need to tell people I am different but I am ready to step out of this comfortable place I call home and begin something I have talked about since my pre-diabetes days and now here I am a senior in high school ready to go into the world with a pump, CGM and a BAD A. attitude and fulfill some dreams. I am no longer alone in this fight for diabetes I have found company in this fight and others much like me.
It might seem dark and far away right now and your fears might crowd the future you want for your child but diabetes really hasn't held me back and I don't plan on ever letting it.
By the way the only reason my mom still doesn't buy oreo's is because I can't keep from eating them, they are sooooo good.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Ohhh hi there... diabetes
I have been thinking back for a while back to the beginning of diabetes back to the start of all this chaos. This was before I knew about much of anything because I was nine...
I sat in the car on our way home and it hit a low. I don't remember the number just the low. I broke down in tears, my brother called me a baby and we didn't have anything to treat it with,
"Mom I want to go home, I want to go home... I don't know how my mom reacted to this but in my heart I can almost see her crying a little, with her young children in the car and one begging to go home so she could have some juice.
" We are home honey, look we are home."
" No! my real home, heaven."
I don't know what came over me why I said it but I grew up in a home where Heaven is a place of peace and no diseases. How heart wrenching to say. My mom picked me up and carried me in the house and pour orange juice down my throat, I came up, felt better, went on being a kid, but I am sure my mom thought about what I said a little extra. I asked my mother about that one low and she said she didn't remember. I am glad she doesn't remember her nine year old preferring heaven over life, I'm glad I have a lot of things and I still cry on cue when my blood sugar gets below 60. I have grown up and I can't even remember life before diabetes this is normal, this is okay. for me anyways I wouldn't wish this on no one.
I sat in the car on our way home and it hit a low. I don't remember the number just the low. I broke down in tears, my brother called me a baby and we didn't have anything to treat it with,
"Mom I want to go home, I want to go home... I don't know how my mom reacted to this but in my heart I can almost see her crying a little, with her young children in the car and one begging to go home so she could have some juice.
" We are home honey, look we are home."
" No! my real home, heaven."
I don't know what came over me why I said it but I grew up in a home where Heaven is a place of peace and no diseases. How heart wrenching to say. My mom picked me up and carried me in the house and pour orange juice down my throat, I came up, felt better, went on being a kid, but I am sure my mom thought about what I said a little extra. I asked my mother about that one low and she said she didn't remember. I am glad she doesn't remember her nine year old preferring heaven over life, I'm glad I have a lot of things and I still cry on cue when my blood sugar gets below 60. I have grown up and I can't even remember life before diabetes this is normal, this is okay. for me anyways I wouldn't wish this on no one.
Monday, December 10, 2012
This silly Game... Diabetes
I love Zumba. I recently decided to do Zumba from time to time with a friend for a few things one it is really fun to do with other people and two I need to exercise, BAD! I have been reading a lot about how exercise will increase your insulin sensitivity and boy do I need that. I have been on a 1:5 ratio for over a year now and believe me that is a ton of insulin. I average about 15 units of Apidra per meal most often more (I like white carbs). Plus I am terribly out of shape and I need to exercise,the stress of school and diabetes can really pull you down or even the stress of life.
Today me and my friend Heather decided this morning that after school we would boogie it out with Zumba. She came home with me today to do Zumba and we did. Of course being the good little diabetic I am, decided to actually check before I worked out but I was a little low for exercise (95). So I at one sheet of graham crackers and worked it for thirty minutes after words I checked again and low and behold I sat nicely at 92. WHOOP-WHOOP I was not a diabetic for about thirty minutes of my life and I loved it for once I could feel the same as everyone else did. I was bubbling with energy and sass for the others in the household and I new for once had done it, I won. This disease absorbs so much of me, my time, my energy, and just plain me. I felt great and it has been a long time since I won at diabetes so take that. Diabetes and me have been at this for a long time and I won't even say the classic Me: 1 Diabetes: 0 line because that simply isn't the case diabetes and me is more like Me :1 Diabetes: 10,000 But I did it once and I will do it again besides this game ain't over till I say so:
" Hey 'Betes I see you there I ain't hidin' but I keep tryin', if you think you'll win you are sorely mistaken I ain't goin down, not me, not now."
Today me and my friend Heather decided this morning that after school we would boogie it out with Zumba. She came home with me today to do Zumba and we did. Of course being the good little diabetic I am, decided to actually check before I worked out but I was a little low for exercise (95). So I at one sheet of graham crackers and worked it for thirty minutes after words I checked again and low and behold I sat nicely at 92. WHOOP-WHOOP I was not a diabetic for about thirty minutes of my life and I loved it for once I could feel the same as everyone else did. I was bubbling with energy and sass for the others in the household and I new for once had done it, I won. This disease absorbs so much of me, my time, my energy, and just plain me. I felt great and it has been a long time since I won at diabetes so take that. Diabetes and me have been at this for a long time and I won't even say the classic Me: 1 Diabetes: 0 line because that simply isn't the case diabetes and me is more like Me :1 Diabetes: 10,000 But I did it once and I will do it again besides this game ain't over till I say so:
" Hey 'Betes I see you there I ain't hidin' but I keep tryin', if you think you'll win you are sorely mistaken I ain't goin down, not me, not now."
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| not sure where I got this it is not mine :) |
Friday, December 7, 2012
My No D-Day blog post
In this post I am choosing NOT to talk about diabetes but instead let you know a little more about me without diabetes up front.
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| Me at midnight having a not so good moment with the cookies. This was just a prank photo I really ate those with wondrous manners. hehehe. |
- I love cooking especially french food
- I sing like a crazy person when I'm alone and dance too. When I am in public I just do it in my head.
- I love to shop, I know typical girl right; yeah I'm one of those.
- I like alone time, sometimes Oliver(my cat)joins me
- my favorite place in the whole world is Ireland. It is as beautiful as they say, I've been there twice.
- I am a total animal person but I don't mind cutting up fetal pigs at school.
- I love to write
- I hope to someday be in the medical field (those choices are coming up quick )
- I am a die hard cowgirl :) yep I was raised in the south.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
What it takes to be a diabetic... Learning to think
You know, I know that this is all confusing, hard, annoying, and difficult. I am starting to realize more and more how clueless people are about the life of a diabetic. I have told the crazy, the concerned, the desperate and the generally caring people who want to know about diabetes, about diabetes. I can sum it up really quick but if you ask a question I can talk all day. I will be specific I will get gritty over it and maybe even vent a little of my frustration on these people.
But lets be honest even the people I regularly communicate with and know of my diabetes still don't and won't ever in a million years get it. This is the one thing that people don't understand, every choice I make, every morsel of food I put in my mouth every insulin drop in my body will make the difference between life and death for me. People won't understand the responsibility, of the insulin shots and calculating every drop of food that goes into my mouth, the worry of ever passing out, thinking about your A1c and what you can do to improve. Did you take a shot for that sandwich, don't forget to take an extra bottle of strips with you. Worrying about other people on the road because you just might not notice your body revolting your careful meticulous care. Your need to balance exercise and diet, and needing to explain again what diabetes is and that you don't need to be fat to have it (people are so rude).
This bothered me at first and I wanted to make people understand, I wanted them to feel my pain and trouble, but I can't do that, people will not understand nor is it of me to give someone else that part of me. Even though I am in high school and while most of my friends care mostly about relationships, parties, getting out of the house, and eating pizza, I am different I cannot act so carefree when my life simply is not. I carefully balance my bodies important functions to keep myself alive and healthy. I don't care about what the latest people magazine said about Angie and Brad but I am thrilled over my new Dexcom packet that came in this week and I worry about filling out my blood sugar sheets with good blood sugars instead of where I am hanging out with my friends.
If anything this new thought process of wondering what other people think about all the time and how it feels to always have your body at a nice equilibrium,it has taught me to think of others and I no longer care about whether or not they understand my burden because people simply can't know.
Editors Note: I have a social life and I do read peoples magazine like a crazy person that was more of an example than an actual Sarah fact.:0)
But lets be honest even the people I regularly communicate with and know of my diabetes still don't and won't ever in a million years get it. This is the one thing that people don't understand, every choice I make, every morsel of food I put in my mouth every insulin drop in my body will make the difference between life and death for me. People won't understand the responsibility, of the insulin shots and calculating every drop of food that goes into my mouth, the worry of ever passing out, thinking about your A1c and what you can do to improve. Did you take a shot for that sandwich, don't forget to take an extra bottle of strips with you. Worrying about other people on the road because you just might not notice your body revolting your careful meticulous care. Your need to balance exercise and diet, and needing to explain again what diabetes is and that you don't need to be fat to have it (people are so rude).
This bothered me at first and I wanted to make people understand, I wanted them to feel my pain and trouble, but I can't do that, people will not understand nor is it of me to give someone else that part of me. Even though I am in high school and while most of my friends care mostly about relationships, parties, getting out of the house, and eating pizza, I am different I cannot act so carefree when my life simply is not. I carefully balance my bodies important functions to keep myself alive and healthy. I don't care about what the latest people magazine said about Angie and Brad but I am thrilled over my new Dexcom packet that came in this week and I worry about filling out my blood sugar sheets with good blood sugars instead of where I am hanging out with my friends.
If anything this new thought process of wondering what other people think about all the time and how it feels to always have your body at a nice equilibrium,it has taught me to think of others and I no longer care about whether or not they understand my burden because people simply can't know.
Editors Note: I have a social life and I do read peoples magazine like a crazy person that was more of an example than an actual Sarah fact.:0)
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