Sunday, July 22, 2012

My Way or No Way

I have fought the need to have the perfect body my whole life. I have always been super thin like not in a healthy way. When I was first daignosed with diabetes at age nine I wieghed a measley 56 pounds. People always talked about how lucky I was to be so skinny and that I didn't need to worry about my wieght. I liked the way I was because for so long that is what poeple had made a big deal about me.
I am 17 years old and  my insulin to carb ratio is 1:5, wow that is low and yes I averege 12-15 units of insulin per meal (60 carbs is 12 units) I can't seem to get that 1:5 up because all this insulin is making me gain wieght and fast. I could do what I have done in the past, which is quit taking insulin all together (not a good idea) and lose wieght quick but I won't do that. I know very well that it isn't good for my body and that sooner or later it will literally kill me.
I have always tried to keep a positive self image about my body in  a world where everything is throwing at me YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH!
Someone I love dearly recently told my mom that I had put on a bit of wieght. This first infuriated and I was instantly offended. Do these people not understand that I was a good twenty pounds under wieght for years and that I take a tremendous amount of insulin to cover the smallest amounts of food. Plus why is everyone so obsessed with being so skinny  and why do so many people feel like they need to tell me that I am not as skinny as I used to be. If people knew what I have done to myself in the past because of weight issues they wouldn't ever say anything. Mostly it is heart breaking, I know I am going to struggle with this my whole life, many of the women in my family struggle with thier wieght and maintaining it. I want to be happy and healthy maybe that is to much and hey maybe all of you who feel like it is your place to tell me I'm not a skinny barbie doll; bug off and mind your own business I will do this my way. Thanks for the ranting time:))

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