Wednesday, February 27, 2013

ABout that cure...

      I am okay. I am Okay with the fact that I might never see a  cure. When it comes around I will be very happy, ecstatic, overjoyed, I might even pass out, but you know what I have come to terms that I very well  might be doing this for the rest of my life.
      Its hard to imagine that, that for the rest of my life I will be counting every carb, adding up every unit of insulin, be hospitalized a few times, be exercise conscience everyday.  I willl be doing it everyday for the rest of my life.


Thats a lot and I could add more to that list...
      For the rest of my life checking ketones, pricking my fingers over and over till they're raw, think of low carb low fat foods to eat, wondering if I need to lose weight for insulin sensitivity, worrying if I am sensitive enough, am I starting to resist my insulin, should I check now or wait till I really feel low, buying low treaters, never enjoying a regular soda, Always being prepared, prescriptions glucogons, syringes, newest insulin...
      I am exhausted of always worring about the people who worry about me. I don't want them to worry but how can they not, they think of my future in ways it makes me cry to think about, I need them.
So yes I want a cure and it is the greatest thing ever but I think I'll be fine without it till it comes. And let me tell you why. Diabetes is trying, consuming, and sometimes defeating, I struggle with its terms of agreement everyday of my life, fighting, I don't want to give in and I won't, not till that cure comes in. I am okay without a cure but I desperately need one, because this body might not last forever.

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