I love the no sugar added poetry book. I like seeing the words that are inside everyone with this disease out on paper. When a person has only a few words to express themselves you can really see how it feels I have never really been a huge fan of poetry until this years when I had to dive into it for a class. I love it and enjoy reading it and finding the underlying meaning. I mostly doodle around with my poetry and I keep it solely to myself, but I have never written about my disease and this one isn't too ridiculous.
Control, and thought,
Don’t forget to count your carbs.
These numbers expose my imperfections,
My tries and fails,
Burnt out and hardest tries,
at least tried
I can try again,
But yesterday’s impact will not be forgotten.
I’ll try for the future that maybe I can have
Things so simple I want so bad
These numbers so key and crucial
I measure my worth in blood.
I wear a blue circle so someday I won’t.
While writing I thought of the one thing that is important to my diabetes care and the top thing that came to mind was my range. Since July of 2004 and every single day since this is the one thing that is still the same, 80 - 150. I have had different ratios, different meters, pumps, insulin, doctors, diets, and attitudes. My diabetes treatment is constantly changing but my good range has always been 80-150. In fact I start feeling my lows around 80 and my highs around 250. I know when I have to change doctors in a few years they are going to want to tighten this up to the ADA standards ( 70-140) but I know I will always look at those numbers in between as good. (I usually correct for anything over 170.)
I have this feeling that as I step into the world of careers and college and more responsibilities my diabetes will define me less and less and I will be able to have it be part of me instead of like most of my teen years being all of me.
I look at diabetes differently now , Its different and controllable. I make more of the decisions on my own, like which pump I want, and deciding to look into finding a new doctor. Diabetes is less defining now, and I am under no allusion that it will always seem that way, or that I will always feel like I run this circus act, but still, for now, I am good.