Thursday, February 23, 2012

My diabetes control, is that an oxymoron?

     I love how I feel when my blood sugar is in range. I love how much I can do when my body is in perfect glucose range. But it is one big time consuming deal, I feel it is always on my mind and I never seem to be able to forget about it and if I ever do some one is there to remind me that I have a disease. Sometimes I want a bag of MnM's from the vending machine, sometimes I get a little thirsty, running an extra mile won't hurt me, and yes I DID  TAKE MY INSULIN!. After everything is said and done I am who I am and though my life is literally consumed by this seemingly large cloud I smile because it isn't cancer, I laugh because I can walk, and love because someday there will be a cure. Right now I sit here thinking how nice it would be to have a snack but I refrain because I don't really want to take a shot. In the end i will find a meduim we all are happy with, a way to make sure I don't die or live to uptight about it all.
     Last Friday I went to my endocrinologist. And if when you saw those words in your head you went du-du-duuuu, so did I. I never really look forward to those visits because for the past five years I have not had the est A1c's. My highest ever was 13.4 and my most recent was 12.9. I was really happy to see it come down but not happy where it was. I want to some day have children, and not die from kidney failure or suffer with nerve damage. These have really been on my mind lately so I decided to cut the crap and just do what I need to do.
      So far my whole body hates me for going from an almost always high to a almost constant low of around 40. I have gained ten pounds ( side affect of going from no insulin to constant) and all my teachers are worried because two to three times everday I turn pale white stubble out of the room to the nurses office and come back thirty minutes later. I f I thought I could hide it I was dead wrong, everyone in school knows now. My math teacher made a big scene in class when she asked me what my blod sugar was and I told her It was forty one she flipped out then treated like I didn't now what to do even though I ad taken tablets she still made me go to the nurses office where I dozed for about an hour. Turns out my sugar only got up to 79 around dinner time I guess she was right.
    I eat a whole lot of jello and peanut butter these days but someday I will thank myself..........I hope.

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