I honestly love summer. I love the feeling of the heat wrapping around your body even though your insides feel nice and cool. I love to swim, I swim till I'm low and then don't check enough, eat to much and go high and figure the physical activity will bring it down (wrong by the way!) I like the beach, drives to the mountians, sunday shopping trips, and coffee with friends that school nearly removes from my schedule. And now I work so I sit at a desk for nine hours a day removing my freedom of exercise from my daily life because it wipes me out to be lazy.
Today though I have definately had a rollercoaster day. In terms of blood sugar readings I mean; I woke up with a 61 m/dL and ate myself some club crackers my mom broughT to me while I frantically ran around the house looking for my ipod. My mom kept telling me not to get up and that she would bring me something to eat. Every word she said to me made me mad, I really wanted to sleep a few extra minutes then she left to get ready for work and as soon as she left I zonked out and fell back asleep for another eight minutes. That would be my individual symptom because I have never heard anyone tell me that as a symptom: that high or low, when my sugar begins to adjust I get very tired like I cannot keep my eyes open tired. So when I woke up I pulled on a dress and shoes. pulled my hair out of the bun I slept in and ran my fingers through and put on make up. That really only took me fifteen minutes (I love that) but then I felt a sweep of hunger, like I will eat your pet dog zombie hunger. I grabbed a handfull of cheez-its and the jello cup, which has no carbs even though that was what I was on the hunt for. The jumbo peanut butter jar stared at my face screaming at me; EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I grabbed a spoon and ate it till I felt my throat begginning to stick from the gunky gobs of yumminess. After that I felt suddenly better, almost a calm sense over came me and I knew I wouldn't be going into a comma today or at least a low comma.
So I fixed me a to go cup of cream with a little coffee and packed my bookbag grabbed my summer reading, purse, extra syringes, checker bag and left for work. I felt great and carried on my marry way till my religous 10:30 2 hrs after breakfast sugar. Even though breakfast was 2 hrs earlier today than usual. And to my shock My blood sugar read a shiny bright 495 at my face laughing saying YOU ATE IT ALL! YOU ATE IT ALL! Inside my stomach sank, I did it again I failed. I've put my body one more high closer to kidney failure. You didn't think, you didn't correct for over correcting, you messed up and now you are going to pay with a bout of naseua, head aches, and sleepiness. Your mother is going to see this and yell and get mad and ask you " why didn't you JUST eat 15 carbs, thats all you need, self control Sarah!"
And to be honest it hurts when my mom tells me that. She doesn't understand what it is like to be in a state of confusion, fear, cottonhead, crying without a true meaningful cause.
That is one thing that truely kills me about this disease the lack of understanding from my mother and occasionally my dad.I checked it again 30 mins after 11 u. of insulin and down to 365. wheew thats a relief but i predict a bottoming low around 50 by 12:30. I can still see her face; how it will look when she reads the numbers but maybe it will bottom out and stick there all day so she will see I tried and didn't let it stick there or let it continue to go up, but stuck with my lows for the sake of my A1c.
So 30 minutes later I check again 269 heeeelllllooooooooo! that was a drop this is unusual for me my sugars love the 300's. I'm douncing water to get rid of any ketones if I have any, since I don't carry those darn things with me ever. My new schedule I devised yesterday says I will eat at 12:30 and check at 12:30 and take insulin at 12:30 that is my predicted time for that super low.I would really prefer my day to me an inflatable slide. You know starts at the ground (61) then you go straight up (495) and come down ( 365, 269,) and continues to go down and stays at a perfect 130 mg/dL. That would be better than a roller coaster.
So again at 12:06 i checked again 244 " dang" only 25 in the past thirty minutes when I was push down hundreds for the past two hours. maybe it is my body leveling out well thats good as long as there are no more peeking I'm good but now I'm hungry but that will wait another thirty maybe it can come down another hundred in thirty minutes. At 12:25 I check again to make sure that it continue to drop steadily; 204. About to jump out of seat but decide not to. I would really like to go and jog but I don't think that will happen here at the office. So I throw my carefully devised schedule out the window and decide to push everything up thirty minutes today (my lucky number) and eat lunch when my sugar is below 150 mg/dL but I prefer a 120 mg/dL. With every bout of hunger I sip more water somehow that is supposed to help. I've never really tried maybe it will replace all the glucose in my cells with H2O causing me to be nice and steady for the rest of the day. Huh. My tummie rumbles but I can go without food, I want to feel good in one hour not sick all day, GET A GRIP! My chart on sugar stats show my hard work and I will predict my next one to be 130! I hope.
Lunch rolls around about 12:50 and with hope and prayer and insulin on my side i do the dreaded check. I go to the bathroom first and wash my hands and do i scrub 'em. I slide the dinosaur huge test strip into my meter and pick the cleanest finger avalable to prick (left pinky) I squeeze up a water and almost clear blood sample. It qickly runs down my finger but I chase it back with the meter like a bulldozer chasing a car. I wait the long five seconds when a number that is also my goal wieght shines brightly at me smiling, no longer taunting me but saying Good job Sarah you did it you didn't fail you succeeded. It felt as though it might but it didn't now eat your lunch and enjoy it but first bolus.
Sometimes that all we need to hear. A quiet praise, no party but maybe a word to confirm that yea you felt like crap, you checked seven extra times, religeously washed your hands and didn't eat anything for seven hours and focused on you and your health. You did it for this day and this day alone you were the superhero you won the fight and became that much better at you. Why can't people understand how huge this is for me, notice that I did it on my own and I had the same rush of going down a inflatable slide you get as a child bounccing down the big hill of fun. I deserve to where a cape today that is hot pink and says superhero on the back and everyone asks "what makes you a superhero?" and I would say "Today I won the fight of diabetes today, what did you do?"
The moral of this story is when life give you a high blood sugar take insulin and watch it come down and celebrate and make sure you let people know you did it! You won! You are amazing! And you are a superhero!
