Diabetes Blog Week - Accomplishments Big and Small

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.).

I find  it hard to do anything great or good with my diabetes, I struggle a lot, I live in a lot of fear of lows and highs and complications. I don't ever feel like I actually accomplish anything diabetes-wise in my life. This topic made me sit back and think what was important and what have I done for myself lately.
     I couldn't think of one thing, every time I begin to write my blood sugars down consistently, I eventually give up. I have a hard time being consistent with my diabetes and wish more than anything I was motivated to do so.
 I did however think of one big step for me that I took a little less than nine years ago. I gave myself my first shot. Probably in my arm as that was my favorite spot before I started a pump. I had only had diabetes a few days but new it was necessary. The nurse were so impressed that they gave me a pack of Uno cards which me and my parents thoroughly enjoyed during my short three day stay. I forget the drama that I could have died if my mom hadn't thought of taking me to the doctor, or how much drama it was to adjust to out knew life style but we did and today I can't believe how far I have come from that tiny little girl to me, now.
      People always told me I was tough for taking those needles and now that I look back I can see how they thought it.  I know this disease can't hold me back and I think that mind set is a pretty BIG accomplishment for any diabetic.

Don't lecture me!

     My mother and I spend a good bit of our time together talking. Talking about school, choices, college, friends, other people (That's bad I know) and most of all, diabetes. The other day as she was cooking dinner I sat at the island and we discussed moments that change you as a person. I asked her about a certain childhood experience, if that was what made her different from her family. She said yes and we talked about moments that come up and change you forever. You never know when but they'll come and you will be better for it. I keep wondering about the people who will momentarily come into my life and change me forever.
    Two Christmases ago I was in the hospital with an A1c of 13.6 and I was pre-DKA and I felt like I was dying. I had gone so long without my lantus my bodily literally began eating my muscles and storing all the excessive sugars in my organs . I don't doubt that if my mom hadn't thought to look up the symptoms that I had I probably would have died. It wasn't a 24 hour virus, My body was sick and dying. I remember the abdominal pain being so bad I cried to my mom that I couldn't take it and I needed to die. After spending all day in C.H.O.A. emergency room one endocrinologist from my doctors office that I had never met came to check me out of the hospital and gave me the lecture of my life. It is one thing for you to hear it from your mother over and over, or your friends and family, but a doctor you don't even know it's different and sticks with you.
      This doctor did not sugar coat the issue, she told me that if diabetes made me angry, to do something to change it , become a scientist and cure it if I have to. She said a lot to me and now here I am two years later much healthier and you can tell. If you look at pictures of me then and now you can tell. I LOOKED sick. The thing many people say about diabetics is they don't look sick, I did and I felt awful as well as had bad depression.
        Diabetes is a huge monster in our lives and we fight it , every day, with no brakes or vacations. We are bullet proof ,we are stronger than people realize, because we can fight this disease.
     Here is an exert  from a MyGlu blog, I think was one of those moments that change you, empower you, and give you a little strength (at least for me it did);
     For example, have you ever felt like you’re the one telling your doctor about a new way of potentially tackling diabetes? “I think I might need to adjust this correction factor,” or “I heard about this new device called a CGM and I’d like to try it.” I am a firm believer that we are our own doctors. Usually when we’re given a prescription most people will know how much they have to take and at what time of day. Ha. Funny, because I certainly don’t have the letters MD after my name, yet I have decided how much insulin to give myself millions of times. There is no “take this twice daily” labeled on our insulin vials. This is why we are so powerful. 
      Make sure you read every day of her experience, it really gets you excited. I can't imagine having that kind of control without the mind games. Thank you Anna for sharing this experience with us, what I would do to be able to try out the bionic pancreas. :)

Whoop whoop Its......

Image: Pinterest

To the Type Awesome's Out There...

To those D- mama's & D-dad's out there who wonder....

I am seventeen, I go to school, I try to make good grades, I have a drivers licenses and I have diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was nine years old and I remember it like yesterday but I don't really think you can forget something like that.
        When I was diagnosed with diabetes I 'm sure my mom thought she would be forever bind to me and my care, she would never be ale to go on date nights with my dad again or buy oreo's or that I would ever be able to exercise strenuously (not that I do anyways). When we first started out I definitely couldn't see myself here. I didn't know that I would be semi normal in fact I knew no one and I was convinced I was the only one in the world with diabetes.
        Now it mostly feels like diabetes and me, mom is still here but she never gives me shot or has to check my blood sugar for me . I make the changes and ask questions at the appointments I do the research and we no longer talk non-stop about a cure. People still tell me about there grandpa who lost this leg and aunt who died from really bad diabetes I shake my head and tell them how sorry I am for them but my kind is different.
      I guess I will always need to tell people I am different but I am ready to step out of this comfortable place I call home and begin something I have talked about since  my pre-diabetes days and now here I am a senior in high school ready to go into the world with a pump, CGM  and a BAD A. attitude and fulfill some dreams. I am no longer alone in this fight for diabetes I have found company in this fight and others much like me.
      It might seem dark and far away right now and your fears might crowd the future you want for your child but diabetes really hasn't held me back and I don't plan on ever letting it.
    By the way the only reason my mom still doesn't buy oreo's is because I can't keep from eating them, they are sooooo good.

Lovely Numbers

What is a lovely number? What number has magical power to you? To me it is 104 a perfect number which means I am good. I am free to not worry about my body or how I feel, in fact I don't feel I just am, I'm happy. This is a photo of me from 2007 if you look you can see my pump in a ell phone ase on my pants. During this time I had a a Cozmo and I still miss that thing and I still have it, besides how throws away a couple of thousands dollar pump :o)

Lower A1c and a warning

I have really been missing my pump lately. I know it was my decision over a year ago to go off the pump but now I am ready for my pump-cation to be over. Last week I had my endo appointment  and I was not looking forward to it. I mean that those doctors are scary and I feel like I'm just going to be told that I am doing it wrong, I really cannot be the only one who thinks that. Well I was right they did tell me everything I was doing wrong they told me I wasn't checking enough, I had high blood pressure myA1c was down a little and no pump fo me. As much as I wanted to I knew they were right. I am scared of whats to come. I will let you know about my yearly tests soon.
 By the way my A1c was brought down from 12.9 to11.5 whoop whoop!

A diabetics challenge!

I love to do challenges, competiions, and win stuff. I especially love to enter contests. Ihave never won one before but I still like it. So I decided to do one in my blog  and that is to make one day a month a themed diabetes day and everyone can email me their photo of  how sucessful or awesome or a flop it was. I want to do this because lets face it; it is hard to be positive all the time. I want your feedback from this and I will give you about two weeks so you can plan. are you ready for the September Happy diabetes day theme? Drum role please .............. are you ready.... I hope..... it is...... Blue Friday (pun intended).
So what are you supose to do for blue friday? Well silly you are supose to dress in your bluest bes and get all your friends and family to participate.
Then take a picture of you and your family and friends shot me an email and I will post my favorite pics to the blog and the  rest will be in a special slide show on a new tab soon to join the family o tabs.This month their will be no prize but I hope inthe future I can arrange that for you all. So are ready, get set and go!!!!! The Day of Blue Friday is September 14 so arrange your plans accordingly! I hope to recieve a ton of emails. ( P.S. You can do this any day you want but the picture will be posted  the saturday after.) Happy diabetes day peoples!

I think I can...

Here is the July Tudiabetes blog challenge. I visit tudiabetes everyday, I probably use it more than facebook. I have really loved being part of conversations and discussions on my area of expertise ( more or less my expertise.)

I think I can, be a better diabetic but what makes me a better diabetic?
I think I can make it through another low, another high, another question of why is it so off.
I think I can log today, twelve little numbers up and down.
I think I can remember to check, check, check.
I know this will not defeat me I will laugh a little and joke, I will support others, dream bigger, and take one shot closer to better. I am not sick I am not weak I am not forgotten. I think today is one closer day to a cure not further from a cure. I am strong, well, and a diabetic.

What do think you can do and what do you know you can do? You are much stronger than you realize.

Bring it on: Taking on your diabetes care

     This was a point in my life that at the moment I am just figuring out. I have always had my parents full support even though sometime without understanding of living with diabetes. My mom carried my checker bag extra syringes and did my pump site well till I was fourteen because I couldn't make myself do it. I've always tried to be independent with my care and learned as much as I could about my disease as possible. But I never really wanted to do it alone. I always have been scared of not having someone to lean on and to help me figure it out. Of course we all must grow up at sometime and I guess for some it is earlier and others it is later. I figure mine is later; recently I have come out of a very long burn out. he hardest thing for me was dealing with my family, but mostly my parents. My siblings didn't really care but my parents have really pushed me to be independent with my diabetes since day one. They still counted my carbs, thy would draw up my insulin, keep up with supplies, inject insulin when I didn't want to, and talked to the doctor and they decide my care and treatments.
    Of course I was fine with this because I really could care less. My A1c has slowly risen farther up since I was diagnosed and of all things in the world I hate the feeling of being out of control. I like knowing I have some control over the big things. I was tired of having to do it and doing it right just because I had to. I hated it I just wanted it to go away (I still do). So I have slowly come up with ways to over come my burn out and take on control for myself; not my doctors or my parents.

1. Set a goal. Yea yea, you know this one but coming from a person who has struggled with burn out for close to two years I have to say this one was the hardest for me. I wanted a realistic goal, I wanted a goal I really wanted, I wanted a goal I could absolutely reach. I thought about my dreams and goals and how my diabetes would effect me. I found one that in my heart of hearts hurts for me to think about. Someday after collage. career, dream man I want to have a baby. And to be honest I have always wanted a house full, but if all I can take is just one I want it. I want to be a mom one day and forget bucket list this is beyond a dream it is something I have wanted since I was a little girl. I want to celebrate mothers day with cards made by hand I want to go broke buying them Christmas gift. This something many women find that they can't have and I hate that at the age of 17 I have to think about but that is part of  a WWD (Women with diabetes) issue. I want to be a mom and of all my dreams this is the one that my diabetes will affect the most.
2. Find Inspiration. This one applies to overcoming burn out and being in charge of your diabetes. I love to read blogs about other diabetics read books on caring for my diabetes. This is the big part of burn out is learning other ways to care for yourself maybe it is a new kind of exercise or a positive word from some one who has gone through it already. My favorite blog is Kerri Morrone Six until Me. It really keeps my head in the game and lets me relate to other and I also enjoy reading about her very successful pregnancy of a gorgeous little girl. She also does a lot of stuff like traveling that I hate doing with my "D". Go and find something but for me reading about what could happen (as in the bad stuff) doesn't help me at all.
3. Talk it out. I do this but I do it in my head. All the things I wanted to say to people would probably just make them hate me. But I do talk about it in my head and I often find what it is that is holding me back. I know I might sound crazy but I never talk back to myself so I must be okay. Talking to my parents about the issues never helped and I could never get my point across so I would write down my problem and think it through. 
4. Try your best. Even if you don't feel like it ( A.K.A burn-out) for one day try to do your very best at controlling your blood sugars and insulin injections on your own. Do it and if it isn't that great try it again the next day. If you forget to check at one meal then try again at the next. It is a step by step thing getting back on track, it can't all happen at once.
5. Remember. Your goal is to be healthy and to live long and happy. Maybe your A1c is going to be high so go ahead and decide how you will handle it; with tears or willingness to discuss with your endo about how you have a new mind set. Remember they want to help you but they can't tell that you have changed your mindset by look at you current A1c of 9.1 if you tell them your new plan and actions you have already started on they will most likely be positive with especially  when your next A1c is 6.3!

This takes something for everyone, rather it takes a scare or a sudden awakening but for me it took the reliation that I don't want my parents to have to hover over me forever always wondering if I'm dead from a hypo comma or ketonic over a constant 500 and no lantus I forgot for four days in a row. Nobody wants to have the burden of everyone worrying about them; it is  very hard to think you are the reason your mother has ulcers or you dad can't sleep at night because he thinks you might not wake up in the morning.

You are in charge of you. In the end it is up to you you decide how your diabetes is going to effect you.

I'm a Cheater!!!

    Guess what I am a cheater. But it is really okay with me you can tell everyone you want to. And guess what else you are too. Well, you are if you have diabetes. In the past decade we have cheated what people since aroud 1557 BC and probably before have never benn able to overcome or live through.
Have you ever coonsidered how lucky you are to have what we have ,a disease that doesn't have to kill us but in fact make us better representatives of human life.   By that I mean how precious it is to be a healthy person even if we struggle every day with what you want to do and what you need to do. Some people have chioces and others don't this involves all kinds of people not just with those with diabetes but those with cancer, celiac, heart disease just to name a very few.
   If you think about it less than a hundred years ago people would die from the very disease that has taken our country by storm one that gave children a few days to live and adults a few months. We have over come so much in a short period of time; we can binge on ice cream at coldstones, we can simply wake up in the mornings test our blood sugars and know that we are still here.  If you go into a comma  there is advanced medical treatments to bring us out of it so we can continue to be part of the lives of those we so dearly cherish. Nevermind the fact that some of us will not be able to have a child, some will have kidney failure, and some will have complications despite how hard we try  to control our disease. We have overcome a disease that even though it is not cured we have the will to ensure it is during our life time and the ability to live a long life.